Sunday, September 27, 2009
An Open Letter to the Parents of Chicago
Okay, so I know your job is totally hard and all, what with children being our future and everything, but is it too much to ask for you to not drop your 10-year-olds off unaccompanied at the 7:30 showing of (500) Days of Summer? I mean, I know it's the indie sensation of the summer and Zoe Deschanel is a national treasure and all that, but it does have a little bit of what they refer to as "adult situations," and the last thing I want is to have your child asking aloud what a penis is twenty minutes into the movie. Or if you're going to drop them off, the least you can do is train them to pay attention for more than three minutes at a time, so that they're not constantly asking "Is that Summer? Is that Summer?" throughout the proceedings. Oh, and if they can't eat the popcorn without rifling loudly through the bag every two seconds, then they don't really need it. Or hey, maybe you can wait for the DVD and then you can all have popcorn and frank conversations about sexuality together at home. Just a thought.
If you'll give me this one I'll totally let you have Target all to yourselves. I'm nothing if not flexible.
Okay, so I know your job is totally hard and all, what with children being our future and everything, but is it too much to ask for you to not drop your 10-year-olds off unaccompanied at the 7:30 showing of (500) Days of Summer? I mean, I know it's the indie sensation of the summer and Zoe Deschanel is a national treasure and all that, but it does have a little bit of what they refer to as "adult situations," and the last thing I want is to have your child asking aloud what a penis is twenty minutes into the movie. Or if you're going to drop them off, the least you can do is train them to pay attention for more than three minutes at a time, so that they're not constantly asking "Is that Summer? Is that Summer?" throughout the proceedings. Oh, and if they can't eat the popcorn without rifling loudly through the bag every two seconds, then they don't really need it. Or hey, maybe you can wait for the DVD and then you can all have popcorn and frank conversations about sexuality together at home. Just a thought.
If you'll give me this one I'll totally let you have Target all to yourselves. I'm nothing if not flexible.
