Sunday, November 01, 2009
Scare Tactics
In the weeks leading up to Halloween, I've been watching a lot of ghost hunter type programs in an attempt to get myself in the holiday mood. (I have also been eating a lot of miniature candy bars, but that's something of a constant in my life.) I've done the haunted asylum, the haunted funeral home turned tattoo parlor, the haunted catacombs, and even the haunted bar and grill (no, it's not a Friday's). Unfortunately, most of them are a lot more lame than scary. Generally there's some hefty and sad-looking psychic lady who warbles about "sensing" something in a dark place, followed by lots of night-vision shots of what might be something moving blurrily or might just not be anything. Then they tell some story about how someone died there or worshipped the devil there or ate too many chili dogs there, while a black and white "reenactment" flashes on the screen. Bonus points are awarded for a creepy child or old timey looking woman in a flowing dress. Oh, and there must be a soundtrack that overreacts to every single thing that happens with lots of thumping and screeching.
I'll tell you what, though: if I ever end up in an asylum, I don't want it to be one of the haunted ones. They have some crazy treatment ideas there. If I wanted part of my brain removed, I'd just watch The Bill Engvall Show.
In the weeks leading up to Halloween, I've been watching a lot of ghost hunter type programs in an attempt to get myself in the holiday mood. (I have also been eating a lot of miniature candy bars, but that's something of a constant in my life.) I've done the haunted asylum, the haunted funeral home turned tattoo parlor, the haunted catacombs, and even the haunted bar and grill (no, it's not a Friday's). Unfortunately, most of them are a lot more lame than scary. Generally there's some hefty and sad-looking psychic lady who warbles about "sensing" something in a dark place, followed by lots of night-vision shots of what might be something moving blurrily or might just not be anything. Then they tell some story about how someone died there or worshipped the devil there or ate too many chili dogs there, while a black and white "reenactment" flashes on the screen. Bonus points are awarded for a creepy child or old timey looking woman in a flowing dress. Oh, and there must be a soundtrack that overreacts to every single thing that happens with lots of thumping and screeching.
I'll tell you what, though: if I ever end up in an asylum, I don't want it to be one of the haunted ones. They have some crazy treatment ideas there. If I wanted part of my brain removed, I'd just watch The Bill Engvall Show.
