Sunday, March 21, 2010
Liveblogging Today's Edition of Parade Magazine
"Personality Parade" -- Apparently, this section is designed to show just how out of touch with reality the average reader of Parade Magazine is. First, we have a letter from someone who heard the song "Hallelujah" for the very first time ever when K.D. Lang sang it at the Olympics. I am guessing this person would also be very surprised to find out K.D. is a lesbian. Then we have a reader who wants to know why "The Wizard of Oz" hasn't ever been remade. You have to admire Parade Magazine's restraint in not just firebombing this person's house. Instead they just try to work in some product placement for Zooey Deschanel's new album. Another letter is from someone who wants to know if W.C. Fields disliked children as much as the characters he played on screen seemed to, because the hottest gossip is always that which took place seventy years ago. Parade responds by quoting Fields' own son as saying essentially that his dad was an asshole, so I guess that clears that one up. Finally, I have to give a shout out to the person who wrote a letter because he was dying to find out more about the lady from the Progressive Insurance commercials. This person is clearly disturbed. Luckily, Parade does not view it as part of its mandate to discourage stalking.
Miley Cyrus cover story -- What do we learn about Miley? Besides the fact that she has the world's largest face? Well, she hates being thought of as a product, although it turns out she's still happy to take your money. She's working on a new album, which should be out roughly around the time "Party in the U.S.A." finally gets out of your head. Oh, and she's in love for the first time! With her co-star from her upcoming movie -- what are the chances?!?!
"Ask Marilyn" -- It remains very difficult to believe that the "world's smartest person" works for Parade Magazine. This week, as every week, someone sends her some ridiculous logic puzzle and she manages to somehow seem smug solving it in the space of no more than four column inches.
Recipes -- I'm pretty sure that you can get diabetes just by reading the recipes in Parade Magazine.
Safety stories -- We have two different columns about whether things are safe, namely 1) cell phones and 2) school buses. Apparently the readers of Parade Magazine live in constant fear. What they really should be afraid of, though, is their sudden interest in K.D. Lang. I bet she'd just love to try to turn some bored housewife from Des Moines.
"Personality Parade" -- Apparently, this section is designed to show just how out of touch with reality the average reader of Parade Magazine is. First, we have a letter from someone who heard the song "Hallelujah" for the very first time ever when K.D. Lang sang it at the Olympics. I am guessing this person would also be very surprised to find out K.D. is a lesbian. Then we have a reader who wants to know why "The Wizard of Oz" hasn't ever been remade. You have to admire Parade Magazine's restraint in not just firebombing this person's house. Instead they just try to work in some product placement for Zooey Deschanel's new album. Another letter is from someone who wants to know if W.C. Fields disliked children as much as the characters he played on screen seemed to, because the hottest gossip is always that which took place seventy years ago. Parade responds by quoting Fields' own son as saying essentially that his dad was an asshole, so I guess that clears that one up. Finally, I have to give a shout out to the person who wrote a letter because he was dying to find out more about the lady from the Progressive Insurance commercials. This person is clearly disturbed. Luckily, Parade does not view it as part of its mandate to discourage stalking.
Miley Cyrus cover story -- What do we learn about Miley? Besides the fact that she has the world's largest face? Well, she hates being thought of as a product, although it turns out she's still happy to take your money. She's working on a new album, which should be out roughly around the time "Party in the U.S.A." finally gets out of your head. Oh, and she's in love for the first time! With her co-star from her upcoming movie -- what are the chances?!?!
"Ask Marilyn" -- It remains very difficult to believe that the "world's smartest person" works for Parade Magazine. This week, as every week, someone sends her some ridiculous logic puzzle and she manages to somehow seem smug solving it in the space of no more than four column inches.
Recipes -- I'm pretty sure that you can get diabetes just by reading the recipes in Parade Magazine.
Safety stories -- We have two different columns about whether things are safe, namely 1) cell phones and 2) school buses. Apparently the readers of Parade Magazine live in constant fear. What they really should be afraid of, though, is their sudden interest in K.D. Lang. I bet she'd just love to try to turn some bored housewife from Des Moines.
