Monday, August 23, 2010
Little-Known Terms of Tiger Woods' Divorce Settlement
-- Tiger must suck at golf from now on.
-- Elin retains custody of the gold-plated diamonds.
-- Tiger is limited to a maximum of three poorly-spelled erotic texts per month.
-- Rachel Uchitel to host new cooking show on the Oxygen network.
-- Elin prohibited from using words "man whore," "syphilis," and "small penis."
-- Tiger must leggo Elin's Eggo.
-- Tiger's dead father released from three-commercial deal with Nike.
-- Joslyn James to release director's cut of Big Breasted Nurses.
-- Elin's tell-all interview restricted toThe Wendy Williams Show or Maury.
-- Elin must accept alimony payments in Sacagewea dollars.
-- Jaimee Grubs to be drawn and quartered.
-- Tigerade formula changed to battery acid and tears.
-- ESPN to air one hour special: "Tiger Woods' Marriage: The Decision."
-- Tori Spelling to play Elin in Lifetime movie.
-- Tiger must suck at golf from now on.
-- Elin retains custody of the gold-plated diamonds.
-- Tiger is limited to a maximum of three poorly-spelled erotic texts per month.
-- Rachel Uchitel to host new cooking show on the Oxygen network.
-- Elin prohibited from using words "man whore," "syphilis," and "small penis."
-- Tiger must leggo Elin's Eggo.
-- Tiger's dead father released from three-commercial deal with Nike.
-- Joslyn James to release director's cut of Big Breasted Nurses.
-- Elin's tell-all interview restricted toThe Wendy Williams Show or Maury.
-- Elin must accept alimony payments in Sacagewea dollars.
-- Jaimee Grubs to be drawn and quartered.
-- Tigerade formula changed to battery acid and tears.
-- ESPN to air one hour special: "Tiger Woods' Marriage: The Decision."
-- Tori Spelling to play Elin in Lifetime movie.
