Monday, October 18, 2010
The Friendly Skies
Every time I start out on a trip, I'm in an upbeat mood, genuinely excited just to have a little bit of time to read and listen to music, even if it is while wedged between a compulsive talker and a sociopath in business class. Every time I return from a trip, though, I'm sort of a monster, irritated by everyone and everything around me. For instance, yesterday I simply could not take the flight attendant who delayed our departure for about fifteen minutes while she rearranged bags even though everyone already had a place for their stuff. She was just so pleased with herself as she announced that it was "only her third day on the job" and tried to force some poor serviceman to stow his giant backpack under his seat that I sort of wanted to punch her. Then my attentions quickly shifted to her coworker, who decided to actively grill me about the various tasks required of me as an exit row resident. (Apparently the correct answer to "What's the first thing you're going to do if there's an accident?" wasn't "Cry.") Then I found myself wanting to murder the guy in the seat next to me, who felt it necessary to repeatedly attempt to engage me in conversation about the SkyMall catalogue. (I actually wasn't too happy with the creators of SkyMall themselves, either.) Then it was the mother two rows in front of me, who kept delivering dramatic monologues to no one in particular about how hard it is to take a two-year-old on a flight. I resisted the urge to remind her that there's no actual law requiring two-year-olds to be taken above 10,000 feet every few months. Finally, it was pretty much everyone in the entire world when, upon landing, we were informed that we'd have to sit on the runway for a while, since we didn't have a gate. I'm making it my personal goal to stay off of planes for pretty much the rest of 2010.
Every time I start out on a trip, I'm in an upbeat mood, genuinely excited just to have a little bit of time to read and listen to music, even if it is while wedged between a compulsive talker and a sociopath in business class. Every time I return from a trip, though, I'm sort of a monster, irritated by everyone and everything around me. For instance, yesterday I simply could not take the flight attendant who delayed our departure for about fifteen minutes while she rearranged bags even though everyone already had a place for their stuff. She was just so pleased with herself as she announced that it was "only her third day on the job" and tried to force some poor serviceman to stow his giant backpack under his seat that I sort of wanted to punch her. Then my attentions quickly shifted to her coworker, who decided to actively grill me about the various tasks required of me as an exit row resident. (Apparently the correct answer to "What's the first thing you're going to do if there's an accident?" wasn't "Cry.") Then I found myself wanting to murder the guy in the seat next to me, who felt it necessary to repeatedly attempt to engage me in conversation about the SkyMall catalogue. (I actually wasn't too happy with the creators of SkyMall themselves, either.) Then it was the mother two rows in front of me, who kept delivering dramatic monologues to no one in particular about how hard it is to take a two-year-old on a flight. I resisted the urge to remind her that there's no actual law requiring two-year-olds to be taken above 10,000 feet every few months. Finally, it was pretty much everyone in the entire world when, upon landing, we were informed that we'd have to sit on the runway for a while, since we didn't have a gate. I'm making it my personal goal to stay off of planes for pretty much the rest of 2010.
