Friday, December 03, 2010
Really?
Entertainment Weekly has published its Entertainers of the Year issue. I hope that you're sitting down for this. Preferably in a tub with a toaster. Because mistakes were made. Not on the level of allowing Diablo Cody to have a column, perhaps, but mistakes nonetheless.
We'll start from the top: entertainer of the year Taylor Swift. Really? I mean, I know that a black dude was mean to her once and therefore she's everyone's little sister forever, but all of her lyrics are like something a 14-year-old sketched out in pink bubble letters on the back of her geometry notebook. Plus she looks like a damn poodle.
And then we've got Jon Hamm. Really? What is this, two years ago? Did Entertainment Weekly just find AMC on its cable box? Or were they just totally wowed by his portrayal of "FBI Agent #1" in The Town? Okay, he's handsome, we get it.
Kanye? I mean, I'm happy for him and I'mma let him finish, but what did he do this year that he hasn't done every year since he first broke out? Unless they're basing the honor on crazy tweets now.
I have no problem with Christopher Nolan.
The kids of Modern Family? Really? I'm sorry, but the kids of anything do not belong on this list. Unless and until a five-year-old writes the great American novel. Here's what really happened: EW wanted to find a way to shove its tongue further up Modern Family's ass crack, but needed a "fresh" spin. And then someone said, hey, we haven't interviewed the two-year-old yet, right?
Same deal with the cast of The Social Network. They've even recycled the pictures they used for their cover story on the movie a few months back. Apparently, the way to win EW's admiration is to agree to let them talk to you.
I'll admit that Lady Gaga sort of makes sense as a choice since she's been everywhere this year, even though, again, it's not like she was exactly anonymous last year. And then they have to go and stupid it up by dressing Barbies like Lady Gaga. Three full pages.
James Franco irritates the hell out of me, but I'll give them this one.
All of this is starting to make me really tired, but I'll forge on. Katy Perry. Three of their ten supporting points for her selection have to deal with here cleavage. All right, I'm sold.
Stieg Larsson is their number 10. He died in 2004. His books were hits in 2008. They admit all of this. Then they make up some crap about how 2010 "was the year that his books evolved from a publishing phenomenon into a cultural one." Right. Maybe we should include Charles Dickens, too, since this was the year I finally got around to A Tale of Two Cities.
Glee/Ben Affleck/Suzanne Collins. Okay. Yawn.
The Men of The Good Wife. Really? I mean, I don't watch the show, but here I was thinking it was about that sad curly haired lady from ER. Turns out it's all Alan Cumming, all the time. Which is great, because I've always wanted my Tuesday nights to be mildly creepy.
Jaden & Willow Smith round out the list. I sincerely hope that the United Nations is giving serious consideration to war crimes charges.
Entertainment Weekly has published its Entertainers of the Year issue. I hope that you're sitting down for this. Preferably in a tub with a toaster. Because mistakes were made. Not on the level of allowing Diablo Cody to have a column, perhaps, but mistakes nonetheless.
We'll start from the top: entertainer of the year Taylor Swift. Really? I mean, I know that a black dude was mean to her once and therefore she's everyone's little sister forever, but all of her lyrics are like something a 14-year-old sketched out in pink bubble letters on the back of her geometry notebook. Plus she looks like a damn poodle.
And then we've got Jon Hamm. Really? What is this, two years ago? Did Entertainment Weekly just find AMC on its cable box? Or were they just totally wowed by his portrayal of "FBI Agent #1" in The Town? Okay, he's handsome, we get it.
Kanye? I mean, I'm happy for him and I'mma let him finish, but what did he do this year that he hasn't done every year since he first broke out? Unless they're basing the honor on crazy tweets now.
I have no problem with Christopher Nolan.
The kids of Modern Family? Really? I'm sorry, but the kids of anything do not belong on this list. Unless and until a five-year-old writes the great American novel. Here's what really happened: EW wanted to find a way to shove its tongue further up Modern Family's ass crack, but needed a "fresh" spin. And then someone said, hey, we haven't interviewed the two-year-old yet, right?
Same deal with the cast of The Social Network. They've even recycled the pictures they used for their cover story on the movie a few months back. Apparently, the way to win EW's admiration is to agree to let them talk to you.
I'll admit that Lady Gaga sort of makes sense as a choice since she's been everywhere this year, even though, again, it's not like she was exactly anonymous last year. And then they have to go and stupid it up by dressing Barbies like Lady Gaga. Three full pages.
James Franco irritates the hell out of me, but I'll give them this one.
All of this is starting to make me really tired, but I'll forge on. Katy Perry. Three of their ten supporting points for her selection have to deal with here cleavage. All right, I'm sold.
Stieg Larsson is their number 10. He died in 2004. His books were hits in 2008. They admit all of this. Then they make up some crap about how 2010 "was the year that his books evolved from a publishing phenomenon into a cultural one." Right. Maybe we should include Charles Dickens, too, since this was the year I finally got around to A Tale of Two Cities.
Glee/Ben Affleck/Suzanne Collins. Okay. Yawn.
The Men of The Good Wife. Really? I mean, I don't watch the show, but here I was thinking it was about that sad curly haired lady from ER. Turns out it's all Alan Cumming, all the time. Which is great, because I've always wanted my Tuesday nights to be mildly creepy.
Jaden & Willow Smith round out the list. I sincerely hope that the United Nations is giving serious consideration to war crimes charges.
