Sunday, February 20, 2011
How Are We Celebrating Presidents' Day?
-- Not realizing that it is Presidents' Day.
-- Wearing a jaunty stovepipe hat.
-- Taking the oath of office, just in case.
-- Having an enormous mattress sale!
-- Determining who counts as 3/5 of a person.
-- Declaring independence from that bitch Nancy in accounting.
-- Using an FDR biography to hold up the wobbly end of the dining room table.
-- Trying to get into the electoral college.
-- Figuring out how many people have to die before we are next in line to the presidency.
-- Throwing firecrackers at our neighbors' cars.
-- Rereading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol as a salute to America.
-- Tearing up during The O'Reilly Factor.
-- Realizing too late that those weren't slaves we freed at Denny's.
-- Mocking up images of Mt. Rushmore that include Tyra Banks.
-- Sleeping in; watching Center Stage on Oxygen.
-- Not realizing that it is Presidents' Day.
-- Wearing a jaunty stovepipe hat.
-- Taking the oath of office, just in case.
-- Having an enormous mattress sale!
-- Determining who counts as 3/5 of a person.
-- Declaring independence from that bitch Nancy in accounting.
-- Using an FDR biography to hold up the wobbly end of the dining room table.
-- Trying to get into the electoral college.
-- Figuring out how many people have to die before we are next in line to the presidency.
-- Throwing firecrackers at our neighbors' cars.
-- Rereading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol as a salute to America.
-- Tearing up during The O'Reilly Factor.
-- Realizing too late that those weren't slaves we freed at Denny's.
-- Mocking up images of Mt. Rushmore that include Tyra Banks.
-- Sleeping in; watching Center Stage on Oxygen.
