Monday, November 28, 2011
Church, Redlined
I went to church with my parents this past weekend and I'll be damned if they didn't change it since the last time I was there. Instead of "one in being with the father," it's now "consubstantial with the father." Instead of "and also with you," it's now "and with your spirit." Instead of "god of power and might," it is now "god of hosts." It was honestly pretty amazing because I got to watch elderly people who have been Catholic their entire lives trip over their words and fumble for their little card setting out all the changes. I'm not sure that comedy was the motivating factor behind the changes, but they have certainly delivered.
And now that I know we can just go ahead and change the mass, I have a lot of great suggestions for how we could punch it up a little bit. Eating the body of Christ is a bit of a downer, so why don't we eat his Cool Ranch Doritos instead? Shaking hands to share the peace of Christ is a big germ spreader, so I would suggest that everyone simply text one another instead. Or ask one another to play FastMoney on Family Feud. And that whole death and resurrection thing? Sort of asking for a leap of faith, don't you think? How about He just sticks the landing on His vault despite a sprained ankle? Now that was a classic moment in TV entertainment.
I went to church with my parents this past weekend and I'll be damned if they didn't change it since the last time I was there. Instead of "one in being with the father," it's now "consubstantial with the father." Instead of "and also with you," it's now "and with your spirit." Instead of "god of power and might," it is now "god of hosts." It was honestly pretty amazing because I got to watch elderly people who have been Catholic their entire lives trip over their words and fumble for their little card setting out all the changes. I'm not sure that comedy was the motivating factor behind the changes, but they have certainly delivered.
And now that I know we can just go ahead and change the mass, I have a lot of great suggestions for how we could punch it up a little bit. Eating the body of Christ is a bit of a downer, so why don't we eat his Cool Ranch Doritos instead? Shaking hands to share the peace of Christ is a big germ spreader, so I would suggest that everyone simply text one another instead. Or ask one another to play FastMoney on Family Feud. And that whole death and resurrection thing? Sort of asking for a leap of faith, don't you think? How about He just sticks the landing on His vault despite a sprained ankle? Now that was a classic moment in TV entertainment.
