Thursday, December 27, 2012
The Incredible Journey
In what can only be described as an amazing feat of endurance, I visited no fewer than seven local discount stores today. Don't ask me why; the holidays make us all insane. The adventure started at TJ Maxx, America's home for half-price hot pants and extra xes. I did not find what I needed, but also did not run into any former high school teachers, so I count this one as a win. I then stopped at Kohl's, America's favorite store that happens to be next door to TJ Maxx, where I became hopelessly lost in a sea of synthetic fabrics, started to have a panic attack, and had to bolt for my car. As a palate cleanser, I visited Farm & Home Supply, to which I had never previously been. I'll admit that I had sort of imagined a souped up version of an old-timey general store, where a crotchety old man would try to sell me a yolk of oxen while his comely daughter plied me with fresh baked goods, but it was really just kind of a Wal Mart with lots of fishing poles. So it was on to K-Mart, where I somehow managed to avoid the temptations of the Little Caesar's Pizza Station and make my first actual purchases of the day. I was hectored for not having a K-Mart value card, but it's a small price to pay, I suppose. Big Lots was next and was perhaps one of the more frightening shopping experiences I've ever had. They were stripping out all the Christmas merchandise and it sort of looked like they were being robbed. Also, the store featured large swathes of industrial-sized juice drinks and scratched and dented cans of beans. Then there was Hobby Lobby, which I've never before visited without some kind of hot-glue-gun type project being involved. There were too many people in there wearing too many track suits, so I had to get right out. My final stop was Shopko, where I finally found the rest of what I needed. I got no beef with Shopko. Well, the checkout lady got into an exceedingly long conversation with the lady in front of me in line, which lasted well past the time their actual transaction was completed, but I'll let it slide this time.
In what can only be described as an amazing feat of endurance, I visited no fewer than seven local discount stores today. Don't ask me why; the holidays make us all insane. The adventure started at TJ Maxx, America's home for half-price hot pants and extra xes. I did not find what I needed, but also did not run into any former high school teachers, so I count this one as a win. I then stopped at Kohl's, America's favorite store that happens to be next door to TJ Maxx, where I became hopelessly lost in a sea of synthetic fabrics, started to have a panic attack, and had to bolt for my car. As a palate cleanser, I visited Farm & Home Supply, to which I had never previously been. I'll admit that I had sort of imagined a souped up version of an old-timey general store, where a crotchety old man would try to sell me a yolk of oxen while his comely daughter plied me with fresh baked goods, but it was really just kind of a Wal Mart with lots of fishing poles. So it was on to K-Mart, where I somehow managed to avoid the temptations of the Little Caesar's Pizza Station and make my first actual purchases of the day. I was hectored for not having a K-Mart value card, but it's a small price to pay, I suppose. Big Lots was next and was perhaps one of the more frightening shopping experiences I've ever had. They were stripping out all the Christmas merchandise and it sort of looked like they were being robbed. Also, the store featured large swathes of industrial-sized juice drinks and scratched and dented cans of beans. Then there was Hobby Lobby, which I've never before visited without some kind of hot-glue-gun type project being involved. There were too many people in there wearing too many track suits, so I had to get right out. My final stop was Shopko, where I finally found the rest of what I needed. I got no beef with Shopko. Well, the checkout lady got into an exceedingly long conversation with the lady in front of me in line, which lasted well past the time their actual transaction was completed, but I'll let it slide this time.
