Wednesday, January 30, 2013
A View From the Top
I haven't said anything on here about Top Chef in a while. Actually, I'm not certain that I've said anything on here about Top Chef ever. Of course, remembering what I've posted (or, let's face it, even remembering to post) is not really my strong suit. I've been called out before for posting the same stories twice, and in different versions to boot. I've also had the experience of being cut off mid story with a "yeah, I know, you already mentioned that on your blog." So the point, I guess, is that I'm ridiculous.
And speaking of ridiculous, Top Chef. Padma is becoming more and more like Paula Abdul every day. Not in body proportions or hairstyles, obviously, but in mannerisms. There's lots of word slurring and dramatic hand gestures. I used to think she just felt insecure because nobody really cares about her opinion when there are great chefs around, but now I'm pretty sure she's taking horse tranquilizers.
Somehow I always imagine her immediately becoming a huge diva once the camera shuts off, like "Jesus Christ, Phil, if I have to spend one more minute eating bad risotto cooked by some no-neck monster, I'm going to shove Hugh Atchison into one of these GE Monogram ovens. Now get me the hell out of here before Andy Cohen tries to force me to do shots with one of the Real Housewives again." I also like to imagine her marriage to Salman Rushdie. What did they talk about? The fact that it was weird that they were married to one another? Fatwas? Probably fatwas.
Anyway, I thought this was going to be about Top Chef, but it turns out it's really just about Padma, and how I'm kind of obsessed with her, even though I'm not even really sure that I like her. She's kind of like my own personal Regina George.
I haven't said anything on here about Top Chef in a while. Actually, I'm not certain that I've said anything on here about Top Chef ever. Of course, remembering what I've posted (or, let's face it, even remembering to post) is not really my strong suit. I've been called out before for posting the same stories twice, and in different versions to boot. I've also had the experience of being cut off mid story with a "yeah, I know, you already mentioned that on your blog." So the point, I guess, is that I'm ridiculous.
And speaking of ridiculous, Top Chef. Padma is becoming more and more like Paula Abdul every day. Not in body proportions or hairstyles, obviously, but in mannerisms. There's lots of word slurring and dramatic hand gestures. I used to think she just felt insecure because nobody really cares about her opinion when there are great chefs around, but now I'm pretty sure she's taking horse tranquilizers.
Somehow I always imagine her immediately becoming a huge diva once the camera shuts off, like "Jesus Christ, Phil, if I have to spend one more minute eating bad risotto cooked by some no-neck monster, I'm going to shove Hugh Atchison into one of these GE Monogram ovens. Now get me the hell out of here before Andy Cohen tries to force me to do shots with one of the Real Housewives again." I also like to imagine her marriage to Salman Rushdie. What did they talk about? The fact that it was weird that they were married to one another? Fatwas? Probably fatwas.
Anyway, I thought this was going to be about Top Chef, but it turns out it's really just about Padma, and how I'm kind of obsessed with her, even though I'm not even really sure that I like her. She's kind of like my own personal Regina George.
