Sunday, February 17, 2013
Pope on the Ropes
I don't want to make everyone jealous, but this morning at my church I received a full page color photo of our retiring pope in my weekly bulletin, suitable for framing or installation in a special shrine. There was also a message from His Holiness, which I did not read for fear that it contained Revenge spoilers, but can only assume made the usual case against the moral horrors of using condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS in Africa. I don't think he made any shocking revelations about the reasons for his departure, but I'm guessing he'll be headlining in Vegas just like Britney post The X Factor. If Sister Act taught us anything (and in fact it taught us everything), it's that religious figures and lounge acts are a winning combination.
Anyway, who's excited to get a new pope? I've got a few suggestions as to who it should be, but they may be a little bit "outside the box" for the Vatican's tastes. (Suffice it to say that the participant overlap between RuPaul's Drag Race and the Papal Conclave is less extensive than one might think.) The Internet is telling me that it's pretty much the usual bunch of old white guys in the running at this point. Not to overgeneralize, but they look like they should be struggling with their cable remotes or sending back pie at Perkin's right now. The prospect of a black pope is also being floated, but I somehow don't see all of the older Catholics accepting this, unless Bill Cosby is somehow available.
Hopefully the campaigning doesn't get too ugly. I'd hate to see attack ads accusing Marc Oullet of getting into the communion wine after mass or Angelo Scola of going too easy on the Hail Mary's during confession. Or Peter Turkson going around to all the homerooms with fresh-baked cupcakes. Actually, I take it back -- I'd love to see all of these things.
I don't want to make everyone jealous, but this morning at my church I received a full page color photo of our retiring pope in my weekly bulletin, suitable for framing or installation in a special shrine. There was also a message from His Holiness, which I did not read for fear that it contained Revenge spoilers, but can only assume made the usual case against the moral horrors of using condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS in Africa. I don't think he made any shocking revelations about the reasons for his departure, but I'm guessing he'll be headlining in Vegas just like Britney post The X Factor. If Sister Act taught us anything (and in fact it taught us everything), it's that religious figures and lounge acts are a winning combination.
Anyway, who's excited to get a new pope? I've got a few suggestions as to who it should be, but they may be a little bit "outside the box" for the Vatican's tastes. (Suffice it to say that the participant overlap between RuPaul's Drag Race and the Papal Conclave is less extensive than one might think.) The Internet is telling me that it's pretty much the usual bunch of old white guys in the running at this point. Not to overgeneralize, but they look like they should be struggling with their cable remotes or sending back pie at Perkin's right now. The prospect of a black pope is also being floated, but I somehow don't see all of the older Catholics accepting this, unless Bill Cosby is somehow available.
Hopefully the campaigning doesn't get too ugly. I'd hate to see attack ads accusing Marc Oullet of getting into the communion wine after mass or Angelo Scola of going too easy on the Hail Mary's during confession. Or Peter Turkson going around to all the homerooms with fresh-baked cupcakes. Actually, I take it back -- I'd love to see all of these things.
