Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sub Sandwich
One of the things I've really enjoyed about my kickboxing classes over the past few years is the panoply of awkward substitute teachers. My experience of subs growing up was that they were generally credulous elderly people who just wanted to put in a video tape and be left alone. But this is different, as they actually have to do something. Very few people attend a kickboxing class to play hangman and lie about whether there was a homework assignment due.
My favorite is the emotionally needy sub, who constantly asks how she is doing. No one ever responds. (Note to fitness instructors generally: no one particularly wants to chat while they're doing squat thrusts.) Her pleas become more and more intense as the class proceeds until I fear there may be tears. Then there is "the chatty one:"
"Hey, guys. Happy Monday! Did everyone have a good weekend?"
(No response.)
"Well, I had a good weekend. Great weather, huh?"
(No response.)
"Okay, so are you guys ready to go hard here?"
(No response.)
"All right, well let's do it!"
And then there's the one who occasionally yells "freestyle" in the middle of class. I can assure you that I speak for everyone when I say that we have no idea what that means.
See, fitness is fun! Aside from the actual fitness part.
One of the things I've really enjoyed about my kickboxing classes over the past few years is the panoply of awkward substitute teachers. My experience of subs growing up was that they were generally credulous elderly people who just wanted to put in a video tape and be left alone. But this is different, as they actually have to do something. Very few people attend a kickboxing class to play hangman and lie about whether there was a homework assignment due.
My favorite is the emotionally needy sub, who constantly asks how she is doing. No one ever responds. (Note to fitness instructors generally: no one particularly wants to chat while they're doing squat thrusts.) Her pleas become more and more intense as the class proceeds until I fear there may be tears. Then there is "the chatty one:"
"Hey, guys. Happy Monday! Did everyone have a good weekend?"
(No response.)
"Well, I had a good weekend. Great weather, huh?"
(No response.)
"Okay, so are you guys ready to go hard here?"
(No response.)
"All right, well let's do it!"
And then there's the one who occasionally yells "freestyle" in the middle of class. I can assure you that I speak for everyone when I say that we have no idea what that means.
See, fitness is fun! Aside from the actual fitness part.
