the ocean

So there I was, at the urinal in my office bathroom, minding my own business (har har), when I heard a cell phone ring from one of the stalls. This wasn’t itself the most surprising thing in the world, and as I am not Patti Lupone starring in Gypsy, I did not drop everything to yell at the responsible party. But I was a bit surprised when said party then answered the call, which led me to assume that it must be something absolutely vital/urgent, such as the president offering a cabinet-level appointment or Shonda Rhimes phoning with fresh spoilers for season three of Scandal. Instead, it appeared to be a purely social call, which then continued for several minutes, despite intermittent interruptions from flushing and hand drying. Nor was there any acknowledgement of the potential awkwardness of the situation, with the speaker instead representing several times (and indeed accurately) that he was “at the office.” Has this person never encountered the phrase “Can I call you back in a few minutes?” Or, for that matter, voicemail?

 

For my part, I just decided to get the heck out of there before someone starting Skyping from the handicapped stall. I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked, as I have also previously encountered a gentleman who scratches off lottery tickets in the workplace stalls (I was frankly relieved that that was what the strange sound and weird residue ended up being) and a fellow who stands about three feet back from the urinal as though he’s afraid it might attack him. And indeed I cannot rule that out. It is a dangerous world out there.