Thursday, August 01, 2013
Raven Symone’s Revenge of the Bridesmaids
Did I mention that my sister is getting married? She’s been so amazingly low key about the whole thing that it may well have slipped my mind. Not the wedding itself – I’m pretty sure that I will manage to show up – but the writing about it. There aren’t any funny dramas to report, which is terrible for the event’s prospects as a romantic comedy starring Jessica Biel as me, but actually quite nice so far as real life goes. I mean, the character of Barbara the Event Coordinator has a certain comic flair, what with all the antic mood swings and thinly-veiled obsessions over tiny details, but we’ve all seen Rees Witherspoon go back to that well a few too many times. And of course my parents are insane, but that’s more in an FX drama kind of way.
Anyway, it’s happening! I have been tasked with a reading (not “Love is patient,” I’m sorry), with walking my mother in, and with emcee duties at the reception. It is actually the second of these that I am most concerned about, as I tend to have a hard time figuring out when and where to walk places when coordinated walking is called for. Reading I have been doing for 95% of my life, so as long as there are no horrible Biblical names to mangle (and there are not), I should be fine. And of course emceeing I will just coast on my natural charm. And the guests’ abuse of alcohol. If only I could get people to drink everywhere I go, which come to think of it I more or less do.
So yeah, I’m looking forward to it. I’m having the chicken. And most importantly, once the union is consecrated, they can get down to the otherwise dirty and sinful business of procreating, as the good lord intended that they do.
