Thursday, September 26, 2013
An Incomplete Guide to What Your Reading Material on the Train Says About You
The New Yorker -- I want to pretend that I'm deeply interested in the plight of the Syrians, but really I'm just going to read the criticism and the cartoons.
Harper's -- I like The New Yorker, but it's just not hysterically liberal enough for me.
The Utne Reader -- I hate myself.
The Economist -- I hate everyone else.
The Red Eye -- I am too lazy or too cheap to procure actual reading material, so I'll just skim this crap about Kim Kardashian's bangs.
The Hunger Games -- I think it's two years ago.
TIME -- I didn't realize they had invented the Internet.
Vanity Fair -- I'm dying to find out all the latest goings on in the 1940s.
Fifty Shades of Grey -- I have no shame.
Details -- I'm just not quite ready to come out of the closet yet.
US Weekly -- I have no desire to be taken seriously.
A Game of Thrones -- I think HBO has made this socially acceptable.
People -- I enjoy reading about other people's weight loss but have no plans to achieve my own.
The Wall Street Journal -- I got a six month free trial and have never bothered to cancel.
Entertainment Weekly -- I consider myself an industry insider because I read an interview with Joss Whedon once.
The Chicago Sun Times -- I like the Red Eye, but wish I had to pay for it.
Nothing -- I have no soul.
The New Yorker -- I want to pretend that I'm deeply interested in the plight of the Syrians, but really I'm just going to read the criticism and the cartoons.
Harper's -- I like The New Yorker, but it's just not hysterically liberal enough for me.
The Utne Reader -- I hate myself.
The Economist -- I hate everyone else.
The Red Eye -- I am too lazy or too cheap to procure actual reading material, so I'll just skim this crap about Kim Kardashian's bangs.
The Hunger Games -- I think it's two years ago.
TIME -- I didn't realize they had invented the Internet.
Vanity Fair -- I'm dying to find out all the latest goings on in the 1940s.
Fifty Shades of Grey -- I have no shame.
Details -- I'm just not quite ready to come out of the closet yet.
US Weekly -- I have no desire to be taken seriously.
A Game of Thrones -- I think HBO has made this socially acceptable.
People -- I enjoy reading about other people's weight loss but have no plans to achieve my own.
The Wall Street Journal -- I got a six month free trial and have never bothered to cancel.
Entertainment Weekly -- I consider myself an industry insider because I read an interview with Joss Whedon once.
The Chicago Sun Times -- I like the Red Eye, but wish I had to pay for it.
Nothing -- I have no soul.
