Sunday, September 22, 2013
Not Really Liveblogging the Emmys
I was maybe going to liveblog, but then I ended up having some other stuff to do and also not really being all that interested in the Emmys. It's been on in the background, though, so I can definitely share some thoughts.
The red carpet was kind of amazing, if only because it allowed me to continue to work on my detailed psychological profile of Ryan Seacrest. He somehow manages to seem genuinely uninterested in hearing any of the nominees talk about the work they are nominated for, while repeatedly badgering people for inane details of what they are wearing or what sort of terrible presenting patter they have been called upon to deliver. He kept asking people about the "secrets" of the opening number as though he was secretly hoping they might include the injection of bovine growth hormone into Ryan Seacrest. Also, he really seems terrified any time anyone tries to make a joke in his presence; humor might as well be Mandarin Chinese to him. And he also makes self deprecating jokes in that way where it is obvious that the person speaking actually does not appreciate jokes being made about him or her at all. There's a dissertation in him somewhere, I'm telling you.
I also enjoyed Julia Louis-Dreyfus's obvious indifference to everything having to do with the red carpet. When you already have three Emmys, Seinfeld money, and amazing bone structure, why should you give a fuck?
Frankly, Neil Patrick Harris has really gone too far. Explain to me why we have a host intro and two musical numbers while we are playing the actual winners off after about ten seconds of speaking? Also, when did the Emmys become an infomercial for How I Met Your Mother?
Can I also call unconscionability on Claire Danes wining yet again over Kerry Washington for Scandal? I know that the New Yorker wants to have about 10,000 of Claire's babies, but Kerry is popular over at Vanity Fair, America's Leading Magazine for Coverage of Dead Ladies. And also amazing.
What is God's name is wrong with Shemar Moore? He's just wandering around backstage talking next to (not with) famous people, mainly from fantastic CBS programming. And he feels the need to constantly refer to the fact that he's backstage. Okay, Shemar, we believe you, you're at the Emmys.
On a positive note, it was nice to see Tony Hale win for Veep. Although I would have preferred for him to accept as Buster and get his hook caught in the statuette.
Jeff Daniels over Bryan Cranston? I don't even watch Breaking Bad but Facebook has it covered for me and is appropriately outraged.
I can't even remember what Tina Fey won but I'm glad it was something. I feel like they should just give her everything, up to and including blue ribbons at various county fairs. But where are the glasses, Tina? They deserve to be recognized, too.
Okay, I know the show's not over yet, but I pretty much am. Talk amongst yourselves.
I was maybe going to liveblog, but then I ended up having some other stuff to do and also not really being all that interested in the Emmys. It's been on in the background, though, so I can definitely share some thoughts.
The red carpet was kind of amazing, if only because it allowed me to continue to work on my detailed psychological profile of Ryan Seacrest. He somehow manages to seem genuinely uninterested in hearing any of the nominees talk about the work they are nominated for, while repeatedly badgering people for inane details of what they are wearing or what sort of terrible presenting patter they have been called upon to deliver. He kept asking people about the "secrets" of the opening number as though he was secretly hoping they might include the injection of bovine growth hormone into Ryan Seacrest. Also, he really seems terrified any time anyone tries to make a joke in his presence; humor might as well be Mandarin Chinese to him. And he also makes self deprecating jokes in that way where it is obvious that the person speaking actually does not appreciate jokes being made about him or her at all. There's a dissertation in him somewhere, I'm telling you.
I also enjoyed Julia Louis-Dreyfus's obvious indifference to everything having to do with the red carpet. When you already have three Emmys, Seinfeld money, and amazing bone structure, why should you give a fuck?
Frankly, Neil Patrick Harris has really gone too far. Explain to me why we have a host intro and two musical numbers while we are playing the actual winners off after about ten seconds of speaking? Also, when did the Emmys become an infomercial for How I Met Your Mother?
Can I also call unconscionability on Claire Danes wining yet again over Kerry Washington for Scandal? I know that the New Yorker wants to have about 10,000 of Claire's babies, but Kerry is popular over at Vanity Fair, America's Leading Magazine for Coverage of Dead Ladies. And also amazing.
What is God's name is wrong with Shemar Moore? He's just wandering around backstage talking next to (not with) famous people, mainly from fantastic CBS programming. And he feels the need to constantly refer to the fact that he's backstage. Okay, Shemar, we believe you, you're at the Emmys.
On a positive note, it was nice to see Tony Hale win for Veep. Although I would have preferred for him to accept as Buster and get his hook caught in the statuette.
Jeff Daniels over Bryan Cranston? I don't even watch Breaking Bad but Facebook has it covered for me and is appropriately outraged.
I can't even remember what Tina Fey won but I'm glad it was something. I feel like they should just give her everything, up to and including blue ribbons at various county fairs. But where are the glasses, Tina? They deserve to be recognized, too.
Okay, I know the show's not over yet, but I pretty much am. Talk amongst yourselves.
