Thursday, January 15, 2015
Will Someone Please Check on Jennifer Aniston? Please?
Oscar nominations came out today. As has been the trend in recent years, they largely concern motion pictures I have not seen and likely will not see at any time in the near future. What can I say? I have a very active social life. But since I'm an American, I will not allow my lack of relevant information to prevent me from having strong opinions.
Best Picture. I feel like The Theory of Everything should probably win here, since its title sounds so comprehensive. All of the others present, at best, theories of something. I don't plan to see it, though, because I'm in that Twitter feud with Stephen Hawking. He knows what he did.
Best Director. I can't tell you how much I love the name Morten Tyldum. Not familiar with his work, though. Wes Anderson's movies remind me of when I used to make dioramas out of shoe boxes in second grade, so I'm giving it to him.
Best Actor. I actually did see Birdman, and Michael Keaton bummed me out like you wouldn't believe. Also, I'm over people winning Oscars for playing people with disabilities. Steve Carell's nose in Foxcatcher doesn't count.
Best Actress. Isn't Julianne Moore going to win this just because she's been nominated without winning so many times already? Who knew the Academy Awards were like your Sub Club card?
Best Supporting Actor. Hmm. I'm afraid to see Boyhood simply because I don't want to review the ways in which time has ravaged Ethan Hawke. But still, I think he should win, if only to try to keep him from writing more novels.
Best Supporting Actress. Two-time Oscar Nominee Keira Knightley. Yup, that's a thing now. So maybe someone can finally get her to eat?
Oscar nominations came out today. As has been the trend in recent years, they largely concern motion pictures I have not seen and likely will not see at any time in the near future. What can I say? I have a very active social life. But since I'm an American, I will not allow my lack of relevant information to prevent me from having strong opinions.
Best Picture. I feel like The Theory of Everything should probably win here, since its title sounds so comprehensive. All of the others present, at best, theories of something. I don't plan to see it, though, because I'm in that Twitter feud with Stephen Hawking. He knows what he did.
Best Director. I can't tell you how much I love the name Morten Tyldum. Not familiar with his work, though. Wes Anderson's movies remind me of when I used to make dioramas out of shoe boxes in second grade, so I'm giving it to him.
Best Actor. I actually did see Birdman, and Michael Keaton bummed me out like you wouldn't believe. Also, I'm over people winning Oscars for playing people with disabilities. Steve Carell's nose in Foxcatcher doesn't count.
Best Actress. Isn't Julianne Moore going to win this just because she's been nominated without winning so many times already? Who knew the Academy Awards were like your Sub Club card?
Best Supporting Actor. Hmm. I'm afraid to see Boyhood simply because I don't want to review the ways in which time has ravaged Ethan Hawke. But still, I think he should win, if only to try to keep him from writing more novels.
Best Supporting Actress. Two-time Oscar Nominee Keira Knightley. Yup, that's a thing now. So maybe someone can finally get her to eat?
