Saturday, August 08, 2015
Baby Talk
My nephew is just over two months old now. I have to admit I've never really been a "baby person," though I'm told I was myself in fact a baby person at one point. (This has never been proven to my satisfaction.) My general view of babies is that they add nothing to the national economy and ought to get jobs if they want to be taken seriously. I mean, no one seems to think it's cute when I just lie around shitting myself and asking to be burped. (Well, only a very small minority thinks that's cute.) Also, babies don't really do enough to satisfy my natural desire for incident, sort of like the Teyonna season of America's Next Top Model. (She will never be MY next top model.)
Anyway, it turns out Jack is pretty solid, for a baby. He rolled over like, almost immediately, and has gotten into the smiling and the babbling already, which sort of reminds me of the Republican presidential race. Also he has a wide array of outfits, which he wears like there is no tomorrow. And he is so serene and pleasant, at least when I'm there, though I'm told he can scream with the best of them when he doesn't have an audience, kind of like Julia Roberts. I'm enjoying getting to know him, although he seldom responds to my trenchant comments about season six of Mad Men. Perhaps he's already finished with it, like most of America?
So I'm sort of coming around on babies, if not to the extent that I have any desire for one of my own. And I've always enjoyed toddlers, what with the mischief and all, so I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. Let's just hope that by the time we get to the sullen teen years we'll all be dead.
My nephew is just over two months old now. I have to admit I've never really been a "baby person," though I'm told I was myself in fact a baby person at one point. (This has never been proven to my satisfaction.) My general view of babies is that they add nothing to the national economy and ought to get jobs if they want to be taken seriously. I mean, no one seems to think it's cute when I just lie around shitting myself and asking to be burped. (Well, only a very small minority thinks that's cute.) Also, babies don't really do enough to satisfy my natural desire for incident, sort of like the Teyonna season of America's Next Top Model. (She will never be MY next top model.)
Anyway, it turns out Jack is pretty solid, for a baby. He rolled over like, almost immediately, and has gotten into the smiling and the babbling already, which sort of reminds me of the Republican presidential race. Also he has a wide array of outfits, which he wears like there is no tomorrow. And he is so serene and pleasant, at least when I'm there, though I'm told he can scream with the best of them when he doesn't have an audience, kind of like Julia Roberts. I'm enjoying getting to know him, although he seldom responds to my trenchant comments about season six of Mad Men. Perhaps he's already finished with it, like most of America?
So I'm sort of coming around on babies, if not to the extent that I have any desire for one of my own. And I've always enjoyed toddlers, what with the mischief and all, so I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. Let's just hope that by the time we get to the sullen teen years we'll all be dead.
