Sunday, December 20, 2015
There Isn't Enough Bedazzle in the State of Ohio to Save These Costumes
That's an actual line spoken by a purported human being in the Mariah Carey Hallmark movie that debuted last night, "A Christmas Melody." The movie not only starred Mariah Carey as a mean girl PTA president who was perpetually filmed through a thick layer of gauze, but also was directed by Mariah Carey. I assume this means that Mariah herself signed off on casting Lacey Chabert, who is thirteen years younger than her, as her former high school classmate. Let's now recall that Lacey Chabert was a child television star on Party of Five well after Mariah had already made it big as a fully adult singer and crazy person. To be fair, I'm pretty sure Chabert was grown up by the time Mariah hit it big on the Home Shopping Network, though.
The movie also features the music of Mariah Carey and, presumably, lighting and set design by Mariah Carey, featuring makeup and wig work by Mariah Carey. It was followed, and I am not making this up, by an hour long Christmas special hosted by Mariah Carey, in which Kelsey Grammer read "The Night Before Christmas" and all of Mariah's contractually-obligated friends from "A Christmas Melody" stopped by to celebrate. It was a big night of Mariah.
Somewhere a huge wave of relief is sweeping over Nick Cannon right now.
That's an actual line spoken by a purported human being in the Mariah Carey Hallmark movie that debuted last night, "A Christmas Melody." The movie not only starred Mariah Carey as a mean girl PTA president who was perpetually filmed through a thick layer of gauze, but also was directed by Mariah Carey. I assume this means that Mariah herself signed off on casting Lacey Chabert, who is thirteen years younger than her, as her former high school classmate. Let's now recall that Lacey Chabert was a child television star on Party of Five well after Mariah had already made it big as a fully adult singer and crazy person. To be fair, I'm pretty sure Chabert was grown up by the time Mariah hit it big on the Home Shopping Network, though.
The movie also features the music of Mariah Carey and, presumably, lighting and set design by Mariah Carey, featuring makeup and wig work by Mariah Carey. It was followed, and I am not making this up, by an hour long Christmas special hosted by Mariah Carey, in which Kelsey Grammer read "The Night Before Christmas" and all of Mariah's contractually-obligated friends from "A Christmas Melody" stopped by to celebrate. It was a big night of Mariah.
Somewhere a huge wave of relief is sweeping over Nick Cannon right now.
