Saturday, October 29, 2016
Campaign 2016
I'm referring to the campaign for the board of my condo association, of course. No other campaign could pack the same level of political gamesmanship and plain old social import. There were five candidates for the board and five open spots, for heaven's sake. But somebody still wanted to hear speeches (someone who I hope was properly detained and sterilized afterwards for our protection), so speeches were made. And written candidate profiles were submitted! Because when I pick someone to approve of our management company's hiring of a snow removal company, I have to be sure that person has led an absolutely upright and moral existence. This isn't Communist China, for heaven's sake.
After a lot of cajoling by our neighbors, Ian ran. (He doesn't have the same ability to selfishly stonewall and lie fluidly that I do.) There were some tense nights (ok, one somewhat busy night) putting his policy platform together, let me tell you. We decided that he was in favor of transparency and against Apartheid, just for good measure. Also he wants to fire the maintenance company that no one has ever seen on the property but still receives hundreds of dollars per month. Don't the catchy poster slogans just write themselves?
Anyway, Ian obviously won and now I'm a political spouse. I'm wondering what my platform should be, since Michelle Obama already took the fat kids. Maybe literacy? But not in the boring book sense, like a larger cultural literacy, where you get to watch Transformers and stuff.
I'm referring to the campaign for the board of my condo association, of course. No other campaign could pack the same level of political gamesmanship and plain old social import. There were five candidates for the board and five open spots, for heaven's sake. But somebody still wanted to hear speeches (someone who I hope was properly detained and sterilized afterwards for our protection), so speeches were made. And written candidate profiles were submitted! Because when I pick someone to approve of our management company's hiring of a snow removal company, I have to be sure that person has led an absolutely upright and moral existence. This isn't Communist China, for heaven's sake.
After a lot of cajoling by our neighbors, Ian ran. (He doesn't have the same ability to selfishly stonewall and lie fluidly that I do.) There were some tense nights (ok, one somewhat busy night) putting his policy platform together, let me tell you. We decided that he was in favor of transparency and against Apartheid, just for good measure. Also he wants to fire the maintenance company that no one has ever seen on the property but still receives hundreds of dollars per month. Don't the catchy poster slogans just write themselves?
Anyway, Ian obviously won and now I'm a political spouse. I'm wondering what my platform should be, since Michelle Obama already took the fat kids. Maybe literacy? But not in the boring book sense, like a larger cultural literacy, where you get to watch Transformers and stuff.
