Thursday, December 22, 2016
Hey There, Neighbor
Tuesday night when I got home there were about forty squad cars surrounding my block. Since my complex is mainly retirees and shut ins, I assumed all of this had nothing to do with me, and I made my way in through the secret trash room entrance. At which point someone shone an incredibly bright light on me and I heard a lot of shouting. Turns out there was a SWAT team in our courtyard and a delightful collection of snipers on the rooftops opposite me. And they were all absolutely delighted to see me.
Apparently, one my neighbors barricaded himself in his upstairs bathroom and threatened to kill himself with hazardous chemicals. And I assume he was not just talking about high fructose corn syrup. Why this required thirty of Chicago's most enormous police officers to spend the evening browbeating all of this gentleman's neighbors, I do not know. But I got to spend the night confined to my own home with a terrified beagle who kept peeing on the carpet. Glamorous does not even begin to describe it.
Later, though, I found out I actually got the better end of the deal, since Ian was barred from entering the complex by police and spent half an hour waiting on a warming bus where people who knew nothing were wildly speculating about what was going on. To hear them tell it, Muslim extremists from Topeka had kidnapped Jennifer Aniston for putting up her Christmas lights before the date specified in the condo agreement.
Anyway, everything has been resolved peacefully and no one was harmed. Which is more than I can say about life on the set of The Today Show, so that's something.
Tuesday night when I got home there were about forty squad cars surrounding my block. Since my complex is mainly retirees and shut ins, I assumed all of this had nothing to do with me, and I made my way in through the secret trash room entrance. At which point someone shone an incredibly bright light on me and I heard a lot of shouting. Turns out there was a SWAT team in our courtyard and a delightful collection of snipers on the rooftops opposite me. And they were all absolutely delighted to see me.
Apparently, one my neighbors barricaded himself in his upstairs bathroom and threatened to kill himself with hazardous chemicals. And I assume he was not just talking about high fructose corn syrup. Why this required thirty of Chicago's most enormous police officers to spend the evening browbeating all of this gentleman's neighbors, I do not know. But I got to spend the night confined to my own home with a terrified beagle who kept peeing on the carpet. Glamorous does not even begin to describe it.
Later, though, I found out I actually got the better end of the deal, since Ian was barred from entering the complex by police and spent half an hour waiting on a warming bus where people who knew nothing were wildly speculating about what was going on. To hear them tell it, Muslim extremists from Topeka had kidnapped Jennifer Aniston for putting up her Christmas lights before the date specified in the condo agreement.
Anyway, everything has been resolved peacefully and no one was harmed. Which is more than I can say about life on the set of The Today Show, so that's something.
