the ocean

Last night we went over to my friend Liz's for pizza and a Lifetime movie. Well, playing with her adorable daughter, dissecting the Harvey Weinstein situation, pizza, and a Lifetime movie, but same difference. We have been a fan of the genre for some time now, well before Rob Lowe really perfected the form with his stunning turn as Drew Petersen. (Why Lifetime doesn't have its own version of the Emmys, I will never know.) For anyone who loves film, Lifetime serves as a sterling example of all the many and varied things that can go wrong.

So last night's exemplar was "Stage Fright," a recent release starring Jordan Ladd as an opera singer who has gone into retirement and seclusion after being attacked by a stalker. There were a number of notable things about it. One, the main character announces that she has a habit of hiding guns all over her house for self defense, which led me to imagine flushing the toilet and having a revolver fall out. Two, the actress who plays the main character's daughter shakes her head back and forth pretty much every time she talks, leading to rampant speculation as to whether she in fact has some disorder. Three, although the movie does not purport to be a period piece, in involves both numerous landlines and a music store with rows upon rows of CDs in those tall, skinny security packages. Four, the theater where the main character is making her comeback performance apparently has miles of tunnels underneath it, despite not being the Paris Opera House. And five, the identity of the stalker is patently obvious from the minute he arrives on screen, and not just because he wears his shirts buttoned all the way up to the top. Subtle it is not.

At the end of the day, I'm not sure I can say it any better than IMDB reviewer lordkrythic, who said "this movie simply lacks everything that makes a movie a movie." I don't wholly agree, as Stage Fright clearly features lighting, cameras, and sets, but the larger point is well taken.

Did I mention that we're going to Hawaii soon? (Potential robbers, note that I am not saying exactly when, and also that we have both an alarm system and exceedingly nosy neighbors.) Ian's company has a house there that they're letting us use, and it looks pretty amazing -- it's right on the water and faces out on what I assume is a volcano, although I don't meet a wide range. Oh, and it has what I believe they refer to as an infinity pool, even thought it does not actually extend to infinity, because that would be weird. So this is exciting, right?

It's an unusual trip for us in that it's more for relaxation than anything, so I have not planned everything down to the minute with itineraries and maps and guidebooks. We plan to spend a good deal of time just laying about reading back issues of Us Weekly. I've barely even peeked at the tourism website, although I can admit that Pearl Harbor is definitely on our list. What's a vacation without a little bit of national tragedy?

And because everyone always asks which island we're going to, I should tell you that it's Oahu. Normally people follow that up by telling us we should try to do a side trip to Maui or Kauai so we can check out this super cute sushi restaurant or sarong store they found, but we're pretty much planning to stay put, thanks. Ian claims he is going to go skydiving, but I predict that will end with sobbing in the jump seat of the airplane, if not sooner. And I will definitely be staying earthbound for my part. My everyday life is "extreme" enough as it is.