Sunday, April 29, 2018
Child's Play
I went to the park with my sister and her family this morning. This was, of course, a three hour process. When I arrived, they were still in the staging process, which involves a lot of bargaining and bribery. It takes approximately as long to get these children in clothes as I imagine it takes Reba McEntire to get through hair and makeup. My nephew told me that there was a tickle monster in the house, though I saw no sign of Harvey Weinstein anywhere. Then he told me my sister was the tickle monster. Then he told me he himself was the tickle monster. I'm not totally sure where he was going with this, but I'm guessing we're supposed to conclude there's a little bit of tickle monster in all of us?
Anyway, once we got out the door, we had to walk to the park, except that my nephew decided he wanted to be carried. And he's thirty-seven pounds now, so I made it about two blocks. Then he kept dashing ahead of us, always towards traffic of course, such that I had to run and scoop him up. Finally, he decided to lie face down on the sidewalk to protest the fact that we wouldn't let him kick his soccer ball at random passersby. I felt as though we were on the Oregon Trail, or at least the Apple IIe version where everyone keeps getting cholera and dying.
We did eventually make it to the park, where Jack immediately zeroed in on the most dangerous, age-inappropriate play equipment he could find. We met my friend Liz and her family there, so we could have three children attempting to harm themselves. (Well, two. My niece is just two months, so mainly she just sleeps and screams at people, sort of the way I imagine Liza Minnelli's house.) There were bubbles, and there were snacks, so I'd say it was a highly successful event. Though I don't know, of course; I don't get invited to a wide range of toddler socials.
I went to the park with my sister and her family this morning. This was, of course, a three hour process. When I arrived, they were still in the staging process, which involves a lot of bargaining and bribery. It takes approximately as long to get these children in clothes as I imagine it takes Reba McEntire to get through hair and makeup. My nephew told me that there was a tickle monster in the house, though I saw no sign of Harvey Weinstein anywhere. Then he told me my sister was the tickle monster. Then he told me he himself was the tickle monster. I'm not totally sure where he was going with this, but I'm guessing we're supposed to conclude there's a little bit of tickle monster in all of us?
Anyway, once we got out the door, we had to walk to the park, except that my nephew decided he wanted to be carried. And he's thirty-seven pounds now, so I made it about two blocks. Then he kept dashing ahead of us, always towards traffic of course, such that I had to run and scoop him up. Finally, he decided to lie face down on the sidewalk to protest the fact that we wouldn't let him kick his soccer ball at random passersby. I felt as though we were on the Oregon Trail, or at least the Apple IIe version where everyone keeps getting cholera and dying.
We did eventually make it to the park, where Jack immediately zeroed in on the most dangerous, age-inappropriate play equipment he could find. We met my friend Liz and her family there, so we could have three children attempting to harm themselves. (Well, two. My niece is just two months, so mainly she just sleeps and screams at people, sort of the way I imagine Liza Minnelli's house.) There were bubbles, and there were snacks, so I'd say it was a highly successful event. Though I don't know, of course; I don't get invited to a wide range of toddler socials.
