the ocean

It Turns Out the Emmys are Tonight

Somehow I thought they were last week, and that I missed them. So obviously I'm the perfect person to make predictions about how they will turn out.

Outstanding Comedy Series -- I'm going to go with Barry, even though I've never seen a single episode (this will be a recurring theme here), because my understanding is that it's about actors, and boy do actors love watching things about themselves.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series -- Michael Douglas. He's a movie star, so the TV people have to reward him for slumming with them. It's like a state law, I think.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series -- Doesn't Julia Louis-Dreyfus always win this? I'm pretty sure she doesn't even have to be nominated to win. She's that good.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series -- I have no idea, so I'm going with Tony Shalhoub, since my parents used to like Monk so much.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series -- I want to give this one to Kate McKinnon, solely because her nomination is listed as for playing "various characters," which is such a metaphor for life.

Outstanding Drama Series -- Obviously it will be Game of Thrones, but wouldn't it be awesome if there were a mix-up and somehow The Wire was announced as the winner? Somebody get me Faye Dunaway.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series -- I think this probably has to be Kit Harrington, right? I'd rather see it as a lifetime achievement award encompassing his work in the major motion picture Pompeii, but oh well.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series -- Emilia Clarke cuz of the dragons, natch.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series -- Peter Dinklage is literally the only name I recognize here. Was he good? I assume he was good.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series -- Jesus, four people from Game of Thrones? Take your pick. I'm going home.