the ocean

So at 41 years old, I have decided to indulge in a little bit of adult orthodontia. It's kind of weird. It takes me back to when I had braces in junior high and went to have women who smelled like a Bath & Body Works exploded twist wires in my mouth about once a month. The key difference is that, this time, my mother is not bribing me with the promise of a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. Also, it's not actual braces, but just aligners. However, I have to say, they're not as fun and sexy as the commercials seem to suggest. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything but water when I have them in, and they are pretty hard to take out. In fact, the first day, I couldn't get the lower one out at all and ended up calling my orthodontist's office in a panic, as though they could somehow get it out over the phone. They could not, but eventually I did remove it with the help of a hooklike contraption provided by the manufacturers, which primarily seemed designed to gouge the heck out of my gums. It was a bloody scene, my friends. But my teeth do seem to be getting straighter already, and I'm losing weight from not being able to snack. And they also gave me a cleansing foam that is allegedly also tooth whitening. I'm going to be the coolest kid in AP Bio, let me tell you.