Saturday, January 11, 2020
The Rural Juror
I had jury duty this week. Because I am an attorney, it is always highly unlikely that I will actually serve on a jury; they prefer to make us sit around all day, ask us mildly insulting questions, and then dismiss us with a check for $17.20 instead. But I do still have to go, especially when, as here, I've already called in to defer it once. So I headed out to the good old criminal courts building early in the morning, where I was greeted by what can only be deemed an insanely chatty man:
MAN: Can I see your summons and ID?
ME: Of course.
MAN: Oh, you live in Old Town, huh? I like to go to that Second City.
ME: Yes, it's great.
MAN: I think Kevin Hart started out there.
ME: Oh.
MAN: You a US citizen?
ME: Yes.
MAN: Oh, I thought so. We just have to ask. Some of the people we get, you wouldn't believe. Had a guy arrested two years ago.
ME: Oh.
MAN: You speak English?
ME: Yes.
MAN: I guess we are speaking English, huh? I speak Polish and a little bit of Spanish, too. Helps with the cleaning staff.
ME: Okay.
MAN: You have a cell phone with you?
ME: Yes.
MAN: That's okay, you're allowed. I ask because sometimes people get bored, so it's good if you have a cell phone or laptop or something.
ME: I do.
MAN: Okay, well you are on jury panel 2, that is the big black number there on your card. Ignore the other number, that's just for internal purposes. Number 2, that's the number you listen for.
ME: Okay, thanks.
MAN: Can't promise you it will be a lucky number. This isn't the lottery, here!
ME: Ha.
MAN: Wish it was, though, I'd love to be a millionaire.
And because I'm an idiot, I sat near the front, where I got to hear him chatting up another fifty people over the course of the next hour. There are no headphones strong enough to block it out, I fear.
The jury video was pretty amazing, though. It was so old that it featured Lester Holt from when he was a local news anchor with jet black hair and a mustache. And they ended up not needing jurors at all that day, as it turned out, so we all got dismissed a little bit early. Not before I had to eat alleged cajun food from the pop up restaurant that serves as their cafeteria, but still. It makes that sweet jury duty paycheck go all that much further.
I had jury duty this week. Because I am an attorney, it is always highly unlikely that I will actually serve on a jury; they prefer to make us sit around all day, ask us mildly insulting questions, and then dismiss us with a check for $17.20 instead. But I do still have to go, especially when, as here, I've already called in to defer it once. So I headed out to the good old criminal courts building early in the morning, where I was greeted by what can only be deemed an insanely chatty man:
MAN: Can I see your summons and ID?
ME: Of course.
MAN: Oh, you live in Old Town, huh? I like to go to that Second City.
ME: Yes, it's great.
MAN: I think Kevin Hart started out there.
ME: Oh.
MAN: You a US citizen?
ME: Yes.
MAN: Oh, I thought so. We just have to ask. Some of the people we get, you wouldn't believe. Had a guy arrested two years ago.
ME: Oh.
MAN: You speak English?
ME: Yes.
MAN: I guess we are speaking English, huh? I speak Polish and a little bit of Spanish, too. Helps with the cleaning staff.
ME: Okay.
MAN: You have a cell phone with you?
ME: Yes.
MAN: That's okay, you're allowed. I ask because sometimes people get bored, so it's good if you have a cell phone or laptop or something.
ME: I do.
MAN: Okay, well you are on jury panel 2, that is the big black number there on your card. Ignore the other number, that's just for internal purposes. Number 2, that's the number you listen for.
ME: Okay, thanks.
MAN: Can't promise you it will be a lucky number. This isn't the lottery, here!
ME: Ha.
MAN: Wish it was, though, I'd love to be a millionaire.
And because I'm an idiot, I sat near the front, where I got to hear him chatting up another fifty people over the course of the next hour. There are no headphones strong enough to block it out, I fear.
The jury video was pretty amazing, though. It was so old that it featured Lester Holt from when he was a local news anchor with jet black hair and a mustache. And they ended up not needing jurors at all that day, as it turned out, so we all got dismissed a little bit early. Not before I had to eat alleged cajun food from the pop up restaurant that serves as their cafeteria, but still. It makes that sweet jury duty paycheck go all that much further.
