Saturday, April 11, 2020
Notes from Captivity
Well, the madness finally set in last Sunday. There was no rhyme or reason to it; we were having a perfectly nice day, watching things on Hulu we would never even have dreamed of spending time on a matter of weeks ago, and all of the sudden I was gripped with intense anxiety. Not as bad as I used to get it in law school when I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking I was having a heart attack and pace back and forth in my living room for hours while reruns of Designing Women played on my tiny tube TV, but still not great. I ended up picking a fight with Ian over something nonsensical before finally capitulating and loading up on Lorazepam. So yeah, right on schedule.
The following week has been a lot better, if somehow about six weeks long. My resistance band finally arrived from Amazon so I can pump some serious iron, and I gave my humidifier a thorough cleaning and sterilization, which sadly is one of my few great pleasures in life. Yesterday we ordered brunch for delivery, combining my passions for bacon and not having to make any effort. And last night we did a Facetime session with friends to watch and discuss Real Housewives of New York, which is of course a very rich text. We are getting by.
Of course, there is literally no end in sight to this right now, so I fully anticipate many more breakdowns to come, but at least there's a solid rationale for them now, I guess.
Well, the madness finally set in last Sunday. There was no rhyme or reason to it; we were having a perfectly nice day, watching things on Hulu we would never even have dreamed of spending time on a matter of weeks ago, and all of the sudden I was gripped with intense anxiety. Not as bad as I used to get it in law school when I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking I was having a heart attack and pace back and forth in my living room for hours while reruns of Designing Women played on my tiny tube TV, but still not great. I ended up picking a fight with Ian over something nonsensical before finally capitulating and loading up on Lorazepam. So yeah, right on schedule.
The following week has been a lot better, if somehow about six weeks long. My resistance band finally arrived from Amazon so I can pump some serious iron, and I gave my humidifier a thorough cleaning and sterilization, which sadly is one of my few great pleasures in life. Yesterday we ordered brunch for delivery, combining my passions for bacon and not having to make any effort. And last night we did a Facetime session with friends to watch and discuss Real Housewives of New York, which is of course a very rich text. We are getting by.
Of course, there is literally no end in sight to this right now, so I fully anticipate many more breakdowns to come, but at least there's a solid rationale for them now, I guess.
