Sunday, May 10, 2020
Home Improvement
I, like many people, have determined that this period of quarantine will be when I finally reach my ideal weight, figure out the perfect hairstyle for my face shape, develop sick abs, perfect all of my interpersonal relationships, write the Great American Novel, lovingly handcraft a diorama of all 132 characters from Oliver Twist, organize all of my photos and memorabilia, get a handle on healthy eating, and persuade the greater internet community of the general correctness of all of my views in life. And, of course, get my house exactly the way I want it. Otherwise I would be bored.
So far, all of these ambitions have largely been advanced through online shopping at an alarming rate. It started with minor household needs I felt it would be reckless to leave the house to pursue, such as light bulbs and batteries. Soon after came the fitness phase, when I impulse bought a stationary bicycle and resistance bands (weights apparently being sold out until late 2022). Then there was crafting, as discussed in more detail earlier this week, which caused my Amazon profile to believe I'm an elderly lady. Next I decided to fix my record player and the Wii, in both cases by buying the wrong parts. And then with all of those new purchases, what choice did I have other than to invest in organizational items, like storage tubs and accordion files. It really has been a glittering whirl.
Anyway, if this virus ever does clear, which I genuinely believe it may never, I'll be ready for it, with gorgeously sculpted calves and scrupulously clean countertops. Of course, I may also be dead under a pile of my own Amazon packages, but that's a risk we all have to take sometimes.
I, like many people, have determined that this period of quarantine will be when I finally reach my ideal weight, figure out the perfect hairstyle for my face shape, develop sick abs, perfect all of my interpersonal relationships, write the Great American Novel, lovingly handcraft a diorama of all 132 characters from Oliver Twist, organize all of my photos and memorabilia, get a handle on healthy eating, and persuade the greater internet community of the general correctness of all of my views in life. And, of course, get my house exactly the way I want it. Otherwise I would be bored.
So far, all of these ambitions have largely been advanced through online shopping at an alarming rate. It started with minor household needs I felt it would be reckless to leave the house to pursue, such as light bulbs and batteries. Soon after came the fitness phase, when I impulse bought a stationary bicycle and resistance bands (weights apparently being sold out until late 2022). Then there was crafting, as discussed in more detail earlier this week, which caused my Amazon profile to believe I'm an elderly lady. Next I decided to fix my record player and the Wii, in both cases by buying the wrong parts. And then with all of those new purchases, what choice did I have other than to invest in organizational items, like storage tubs and accordion files. It really has been a glittering whirl.
Anyway, if this virus ever does clear, which I genuinely believe it may never, I'll be ready for it, with gorgeously sculpted calves and scrupulously clean countertops. Of course, I may also be dead under a pile of my own Amazon packages, but that's a risk we all have to take sometimes.
