the ocean

Oh my God, I just found this on my hard drive and I could not resist. Keep in mind that this actually happened. My friend asked me to write a song parody for the continuing legal education program she was coordinating. She thought it would be a good way to "spice things up." She and I actually performed the following to the the tune of Gershwin's "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off." In front of an audience of thirty very bored CLE participants and several federal judges who were panelists. And there was a creeping realization that perhaps this was a bad idea. Perhaps...

Lawyer One: Every time a new lawsuit’s filed
I feel such a perverse thrill:
All the clients I’ll be helping,
Not to mention the hours I’ll bill.

Lawyer Two: But as meet and confers mount up
And witnesses’ secrets spill
It starts to make a root canal look fun.
Something must be done:

Lawyer One: You claim harassment but I call it horseplay.
Lawyer Two: You breached a contract but still want some back pay.
Both: Motions, depos, clients’ rage grows --
Let’s call this lawsuit off.

Lawyer Two: You sold a product that blinded a kitten.
Lawyer One: You sold some junk bonds and fled to Great Britain.
Both: Priv logs, emails, epic court fails --
Let’s call this lawsuit off.

If we want to call this lawsuit off we must prepare.
If our clients aren’t on board then we don’t have a prayer.

Lawyer One: So you call your GC and set expectations.
Lawyer Two: I’ll check my schedule and watch Matlock reruns.
Both: For we know we’ll save our clients dough when
We go call this lawsuit off.
Let’s call this lawsuit off.