Sunday, September 12, 2021
From the Department of Hidden Talents
I am strangely good at recognizing character actors in movies or television and remembering what else they have been in. Part of this is probably because Hallmark and Lifetime both present somewhat closed universes, in which the same production companies tend to use the same actors over and over again, probably because they know they're willing to fly to Vancouver and able to nail a two-line role opposite Candace Cameron-Bure in fewer than five takes. So when I see the wife of a secondary character in "The Husband She Met Online," it's not too tricky to identify her as also the secretary the villain is having an affair with in "A Nanny's Revenge" and the sassy hooker (probably her finest role) from "The Perfect Roommate." But it also applies in less incestuous contexts; just last week I identified a bit player on an episode of "American Horror Stories" as the love interest from a Hallmark holiday movie we saw several years ago starring Summer Glau. (Ian thought he was the boyfriend from "Legally Blonde;" so embarrassed for him.)
This is, needless to say, kind of strange, since I have not infrequently been unable to place important business colleagues I have met in real life on multiple occasions or family friends I have known all my life. Also, I almost never actually watch television, since I prefer to just treat it like a radio I can listen to while I work or mindlessly mess with my phone. So how is it that I can offer you the full filmography of, say, the lady police detective in the Aurora Teagarden movies who also played the villain in "A Cookie Cutter Christmas" and a small but pivotal role in "Sleepwalking in Suburbia?" I guess I do tend to be pretty good at useless stuff, as evidenced by my prior excellence in both viola playing and historically costumed museum guiding. If only there were someway to monetize this; it's certainly no more stupid than Instagram influencing.
