the ocean

Maybe I'll become one of those Disney travel tips people. Tip number one: you are not actually obligated to go to Disney at all, though it may feel like it.

At Animal Kingdom, there was a dinosaur ride that included a film starring Phylicia Rashad for some reason. She did not get eaten by a dinosaur. Nor did anyone, actually.

Even with all of the high-tech, expensive rides, it turns out that the kids still wanted to spend half an hour digging in what was essentially a dinosaur-themed sandbox.

We went on a fake safari and saw giraffes. And a lot of other animals, too, but giraffes are undeniably baller.

There was a river ride where people got very wet. Fortunately, we had purchased some obviously very high end ponchos to help protect ourselves.

There was a Finding Nemo stage show where they strapped puppets and heavy machinery onto the actors before they had to sing and dance about. I hear this is how Glenn Close started out.

Moving to Hollywood Studios, they have a fake version of L.A.'s "Chinese Theater." I have seen the actual version and can attest that this version is superior for the lack of traffic and people trying to spit in your mouth.

Lots of Star Wars stuff. I have not even seen all of the Star Wars movies, but I think I got the gist of it. Frodo has to use The Force to beat Voldemort, right?

As a teen, I wanted desperately to ride the Hollywood Tower of Terror but did not get to. This wrong was righted on this trip, and all I had to do was stand in line for ninety minutes with a variety of ill mannered children and Disney Adults.