the ocean

A podcast Ian listens to gave him the idea that we should give a watch to the 2007 Bravo series "Hey Paula," which, according to IMDb, "follows the personal and professional lives of Paula Abdul." (It also gives it a rating of 3.5 stars out of 10.) I was skeptical, but given that it was only seven twenty-two minute episodes, I figured there was little risk involved. Needless to say, it ended up being a rich emotional journey. 

First and foremost, the series makes it appear that Paula is deeply unwell. I don't know her in real life and it would be unfair of me to speculate, but I will note that she says more than once on the show that she doesn't take "recreational" drugs, which seems to me to be an interesting choice of modifier. Regardless, pretty much every episode features Paula saying that she is hungry and/or exhausted while jetting back and forth from, say, being honored as the Las Vegas Ballet's Woman of the Year (note that it is not all of Nevada or even all of ballet involved) and promoting her jewelry collection on QVC while women with questionable accents call in to tell her she inspires them. Invariably, though, Paula decides to forego sleeping to, like, stop at a Starbucks in the dead of night and sign autographs for people who did not request them. A lot of this is very stressful. For me, I mean.

Then there are the professional travails that seem to plague Paula. There is an ugly incident where we learn Paula has designed costumes for a Bratz movie that I am surprised to learn actually came out, but the producers have informed her those "looks" will not be seeing the light of day. (This may be the occasion that causes here to say she is "tired of not being treated like the gift that she is," although it is hard to keep track.) There is another crisis when her QVC jewelry partner fails to hold back product for her to give away to the "Idol kids" (her term) as she had requested, and Paula must go out of pocket for the jewelry (as opposed to just forgetting about it altogether, as I am confident everyone else already had). Also, Paula does a series of loopy TV interviews and is accused by of being drunk by a magazine your aunt Cheryl reads. I guess I had just kind of assumed that was her brand, but apparently she does not care for it.

Oh, and the rental house drama. Paula decides to remodel her house and rents a house to live in while that happens. She then hires a designer to furnish it for her, but never meets or even speaks to that person, instead sending her hairdresser (natch) who tosses out a lot of word salad centered on Paula's "femininity" and calls it a day. Then, once the entire house has been furnished and she's supposed to move in, Paula decides she hates the design (which does admittedly contain an antique birdcage) and screams at the designer on the phone as her hairdresser attempts to recede into the nearest wall. At the end of the day, Paula changes her mind about remodeling.

Did I mention that one episode is just a "clip show" that consists of footage for plotlines they apparently decided weren't interesting enough to include in the other six episodes? Including a surprise party thrown for Paula by a boyfriend we didn't even know she had from the rest of the series? It's all very much worth a look; the perfect televised companion for our nation's gradual descent into madness.