Sunday, August 25, 2024
Treasures From Our Storied Past
I made the shocking and wonderful discovery that the local library in Quincy has a digitized, searchable collection of old editions of our local paper. Join me on a journey into the past, won't you?
I remember going to this writing conference because it meant I got to have McDonald's. Also, note my wildly uneven haircut, which was likely the result of my parents takings us to a beauty college for inexpensive styling. Note also that my sister has essentially the same haircut. The unisex simplicity is beautiful, no?
This was so, so much better than being shortlisted as an "Unamerican Kid." Here I am entering my skeletal phase, and have adopted sort of a K.D. Lang haircut.
How this was not FRONT PAGE news I will never understand. Stupid liberal media.
Looking at this photo now, one does have to wonder what the hell was going on with my arm, and if I ever sought medical attention for it. I did not. But man, did we bring the energy.
My acting style has often been called understated and naturalistic. Only by Raven Symone, but still.
Monday, August 19, 2024
Mystery Man
An unexpected joy of having purchased a Samsung TV is that it comes with a bunch of Samsung channels that just show a single program over and over again. There is a Degrassi channel, a Murder, She Wrote channel, and perhaps most horrifyingly of all, a Drew Barrymore Show channel. Generally, these channels just provide background noise for doing other things, like researching grand jury secrecy rules or performing open heart surgery. But the Unsolved Mysteries channel is perhaps the greatest cultural achievement of our time.
Yes, these are the original Unsolved Mysteries from the '80s and '90s. Yes, the theme song is still creepy as hell. Yes, it still seems at times as though Robert Stack can't believe the shit he is getting paid to say. Yes, I am transfixed.
It is impossible to choose just one favorite. There is the one about the Brazilian guy who claims to be channeling the spirits of great deceased artists who are using them to create new works from the afterlife, except they all kind of look like the pastels our third grade teacher had us do during our unit on Impressionism. (Not a slam, I was an amazing artist.) There is the one positing that the Unabomber was also the Zodiac killer, largely based on presence in California and general craziness. There is the one where one of the New Kids on the Block (Jordan?) is enlisted to try to find a missing girl. And there is a one where a woman claims to have a special touch that allows her to soothe animals, but is instead nearly mauled on camera several times consecutively. All classic television, to be sure.
And these stories have only improved with age, since now we get "updates" that almost invariably indicate how completely off base all of the speculation in the original stories was. Did a Des Moines housewife abandon her children to live a life of luxury in Monaco with a con man? No, she was just murdered by her husband and stowed under the house. Did aliens leave strange graffiti all over a Montana town? No, it was just some guy. Is a Wichita man's bizarre illness that baffled his doctors the result of a gypsy curse? No, it's just a common disorder easily diagnosed by the viewers of Unsolved Mysteries.
Also, they've put together a "documentary" where the makers of Unsolved Mysteries talk about how great and important Unsolved Mysteries has been. Why can't I get that kind of treatment?
Tuesday, August 13, 2024
On With the Show, This is It
I've got another show coming up in October. And so I feel like I must harass everyone about it. Here's a promotional graphic, suitable for sharing in your office break room or church bulletin:
This one is different from my most recent efforts in that it will largely be performed by people who are not me. I've done some writing for it, and I'll be hosting it, but it's not a solid hour of me. Which I view as a plus. I'm bringing in some very talented friends from my amateur theatrical for lawyers, and they shall do their things with limited commercial interruption. In case you prefer a square one:
The theme of the show is our youthful brushes with local fame. Which, as anyone who saw an anti-drug PSA in Quincy, IL circa 1990 can tell you, I am quite familiar with. That's right, I named it, sold it, and left the door open. Still doing it today, in fact.
And yes, it is exhausting to be this entertaining all the time.
Sunday, August 04, 2024
Busy B
It's been kind of a crazy week, in that I have frequently engaged in activities other than working and watching television. Perhaps most notably, a friend invited me to see Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil at the Goodman on Thursday. It was definitely enjoyable, even though I had next to zero familiarity with the source material and frankly kind of don't get its appeal for people. The cast was strong and the score had some bangers in it. I found the structure to be a bit meandering and definitely could have gotten it done in under 2:45 if it were up to me, but obviously the internet has ruined my attention span. Oh, and we had dinner before, so hooray for eating!
After, however, I had forgotten about the menace that is Lollapalooza and ended up not being able to get an uber, waiting twenty minutes for the train, and then having to crowd in next to teenagers who literally seemed to be using lingerie as outerwear. Also it started pouring and I had to run home umbrellaless from the train station. We'll make this exhibit A for why I sometimes don't want to leave the house.
Friday and Saturday we babysat my niece and nephew, which was fun but exhausting. My nephew actually used our Oculus, which was the first time anyone has touched it in over a year, although my niece found it frightening and demanded that it immediately be removed from her head. I lost a Mario Party to my nephew and served as a method of conveyance for my niece. And, for a variety of reasons that I'd rather not relive, I slept on the floor in our guest room. Let's just say I'm unlikely to be forming a Babysitters Club any time soon.
We went and saw friends last night, and tonight I'm off for dinner in the suburbs. Yes, the suburbs. Which suburb and where I dare not disclose, but you can go ahead and assume they are all equally glamorous.
