the ocean

Yesterday we went to Medieval Times with my sister and her kids. Incredibly, I had never been. I did attend a similar equestrian-themed attraction in the Dixie Stampede when I was in high school, but that was somewhat different in that it involved relitigating the Civil War. (The North did win the night we were there, which was a great relief to a good 85% of us.) 

This was a well-oiled machine from beginning to end. They had three shows back-to-back, such that people were leaving the show before us as we arrived and arriving for the show after us as we were leaving. They got us seated in a quick and orderly fashion and missed no opportunity to try to sell us something. Honestly, the frozen head of Walt Disney would admire their enterprise.

For those keeping score, we were seated in the Green section, which (spoiler alert) ended up winning the afternoon's contests. The Red knight did a bit of a heel turn but was ultimately defeated, unlike in real life. The King and Queen were not married to one another but parts of different factions that had entered into an alliance of some kind, insofar as I understood it. There were some Sid Meier's Civilization vibes to it all, to be honest.

The food was better than expected, though eating a chicken with my bare hands (lack of silverware is part of their shtick) did not sit especially well. This was not bougieness, though -- I was just fine with drinking the "dragon's blood soup" directly from the bowl. I was slightly scandalized to be allocated only two Diet Pepsis for the duration of the performance, however.

Most importantly, the kids had a great time. I don't think they're going to change their career goals to include vassaldom, but I'm a firm believer that Olden Times are a key component of any grade school curriculum.

Ian has been traveling this past week, which has left me with sole custody of the dog. This has caused me to realize that I am perhaps not the best and naturally thinking of the needs of others, although I do wish to stress that the dog is alive and fine. But I was late on doggie dinnertime more than once and did not have the most supportive reaction to the bathroom surprise I found on the dining room rug. (Luckily, it is a washable rug, so we can throw it in the washer and never speak of it again.) Also, I had to give her the bi-monthly shot that Ian usually handles and nearly gave myself an aneurism instead. Plus she keeps looking at me like I'm an idiot, which I am. Nothing like the judgment of an 11-year-old rescue.

I also hosted my niece overnight on Friday. I think my performance there was better. I gamely ordered Domino's pizza for her despite my views of their politics and similarities to cardboard, and agreed to watch Moana 2 for the second time even though the songs don't slap nearly as hard as in the first movie. I also laid awake half the night worrying that she was going to get scared and need me, which did not actually accomplish anything, but certainly felt like some sort of contribution. Oh, and I helped her make a shoebox diorama for St. Patrick's Day, which I take as vindication of my many shoe purchases as socially useful.

So yeah, I'm exhausted from all of my vital and selfless labors. I should probably buy myself something nice.

As a middle class adult male with no children, I tend to have more free time than a lot of people. As regular reader(s?) of this blog will know, a lot of that time I waste on stupid shit like performing deep dives on Top Model cycles or writing and performing cabaret shows that will be seen once by roughly twelve people. But I also occasionally get on reading jags, where I will take down classics that I feel weird about not having read in high school or college. (In some cases, despite those classics being explicitly assigned to me for reading.) 

A few years ago, it was Ulysses. I can't remember if I wrote about that here at the time and I'm too lazy to check, but suffice it to say that I had attempted that particular classic several times in the past but never got farther than the first twenty pages or so, in large part because it was just too damn heavy to carry with me on a train or airplane. But I decided to buck up and thin out my carry-on to make room, and I finished the damn thing. And it was okay. The last chapter in particular I thought was quite lovely. Other parts I found a bit dense. But I think I understood what all of the fuss was about, at least sort of.

This fall I read The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann. It was a bit tainted for me because I started it during the period where we were stuck on a train in Canada for an entire day, but eventually I got over that particular trauma (without even the aid of a trigger warning) and made it through. It was interesting. It was episodic in a way I'm not used to in novels, with tone and subject matter varying widely from chapter to chapter. Kind of like a picaresque but without actually going anywhere. And lots of philosophical content, which fortunately I can kind of skim right through.

Then, just yesterday, I finished The Divine Comedy. I mean, of course I had read excerpts before, but no one assigned the entire thing, and now I kind of know why. Of course the Inferno slaps, and the Purgatorio was way weirder and more torture-y than anyone had a right to expect, but lord is the Paradisio boring. So many discourses on some many different precepts of faith! If I wanted that, I wouldn't have located the only mass in the city of Chicago that only lasts half an hour. (St. Michael's 5 PM Saturdays; it's worth a look.) But the language is beautiful, even in translation, and the sheer scope of what Dante has constructed is kind of insane. So ultimately a thumbs up. But next I'm thinking maybe that Jessica Simpson autobiography... 

The Oscars are tonight, which has many people asking, "Wait, the Oscars are tonight? Didn't we just do that? Or maybe that was the Grammys. Is Taylor Swift nominated for anything?" I can't claim to have the answers to all of these questions, but I have seen eight of the ten best picture nominees, which was as good as I could do this year, given that The Brutalist is only in theaters and three and a half hours long and A Complete Unknown only moved to streaming like three days ago. (We talked about watching it today, but decided our lifestyles are too active to spend a Sunday afternoon like that.) Anyway, here are some Oscar Thoughts (TM):

Apparently best picture is down to Anora or Conclave since Emilia Perez dramatically committed marketing suicide. I don't have big issues with either, but Conclave kind of strikes me as a pretty basic thriller dressed up with Very Serious Actors and Anora as hooker with a heart of gold tale made Gritty and Realistic through cinematography. Neither would be my pick, since we finally saw Nickel Boys this week and thought it was really interesting and impactful. After 30+ years of caring at least mildly about the Oscars, though, I've kind of stopped investing too much in what wins. Isn't it all really a matter of taste? Except for Sandra Bullock winning for The Blind Side; that was a crime against humanity.

For best actor, I guess Adrien Brody is probably going to win but I'd kind of prefer that he not? As a general matter, I don't think people who are not Meryl Streep should have more than one Oscar. But I also don't really think Timothee Chalamet needs any more encouragement, and I despise the spelling of his name. So I don't know, whatever.

Meanwhile, I have no issue with Demi Moore, even though I found The Substance way too disgusting for no reason. She's been around and while and could probably use the positive reinforcement. I'd say the same thing if, like, Brooke Shields were nommed. (Prayers.)

Supporting actor it seems like Kieran Culkin is a lock, and that's fine. I feel a little bad for Macaulay, but he made his choices. 

I'm probably most interested in seeing a Zoe Saldana win for supporting actress. I did think she was good in the movie, but mostly I see this as long-delayed recognition for her work in Center Stage. I'm conveniently excising from my memory the fact that she once tried to play Nina Simone. 

There are a bunch of other categories, obviously, but I've run out of interest. As I will likely do this evening! Looking forward to watching with fitful interest at whatever time the broadcast starts wherever they're showing it. Maybe Quibi?