Sunday, March 23, 2025
Research Korner: How Did Chicagoans Spend St. Patrick's Day This Year?
-- Face down, ass up.
-- Wondering why they don't just dye the river all the time since it looks so much better that way.
-- Struggling to spell "Erin go bragh" correctly.
-- Unsuccessfully requesting a moment of silence for the victims of the Potato Famine.
-- Wearing a ten-year-old comic t-shirt that, with the passage of time, has come to display our nipples rather prominently.
-- Pretending to like Guinness.
-- Attending "James Joyce: Works, Context, Impact" lecture series; vomiting in corner.
-- Exposing that Saoirse Ronan's real name is Tiffani Herzog.
-- Resenting youths.
-- Crying because the DJ won't play "All I Want for Christmas is You."
-- Hating Notre Dame, just like any other day.
-- Trying to figure out who stole our Lucky Charms.
-- Claiming that we were the ones who originally came up with the idea for Riverdance.
-- Drinking, just like any other day.
