Thursday, April 22, 2004
Mysteries & Scandals
– American Idol. I swear to God I don’t watch this show. But can you believe they booted Jennifer Hudson before that whimpering albino John Stevens? I suppose he’s all right if you like people who lack secondary sex characteristics, but don’t we already have Clay Aiken for that?
– Apprentice Spin-Off. I can think of so many better ideas than following Bill around while he pretends he’s in charge of a skyscraper. How about a show centered around the stonemasons and artisans who craft Trump’s hair? Or one following Omarosa’s wacky exploits as the public completely loses interest in her, driving her from guest shots on Crossing Jordan to commercials for mood stabilizers to an eventual ejection from the really seedy bottom of the porn industry?
– Real World Frankie. I know no but 12-year-old girls really watches the Real World anymore, but Jesus, this chick is nuts. I think I’m in love with her.
– My Sudden Apparent Fascination With Reality Television. Yeah, I don’t get it either. I don’t even really like real people in life. Why would I want to watch them on TV, instead of actors who have the eating disorders and multiple cosmetic surgeries necessary to create truly compelling viewing?
– Earth Day. How do I manage to not notice it every year until it’s too late? I’d like to plant a tree or something, but my yard is made of concrete.
– The Lady who Controls the Music at my Gym. Why does she like that Jennifer Lopez CD so much? And if I were to grab it from the stereo system, smash it over her head, and stomp the pieces into J.Dust, would there be repercussions?
– American Idol. I swear to God I don’t watch this show. But can you believe they booted Jennifer Hudson before that whimpering albino John Stevens? I suppose he’s all right if you like people who lack secondary sex characteristics, but don’t we already have Clay Aiken for that?
– Apprentice Spin-Off. I can think of so many better ideas than following Bill around while he pretends he’s in charge of a skyscraper. How about a show centered around the stonemasons and artisans who craft Trump’s hair? Or one following Omarosa’s wacky exploits as the public completely loses interest in her, driving her from guest shots on Crossing Jordan to commercials for mood stabilizers to an eventual ejection from the really seedy bottom of the porn industry?
– Real World Frankie. I know no but 12-year-old girls really watches the Real World anymore, but Jesus, this chick is nuts. I think I’m in love with her.
– My Sudden Apparent Fascination With Reality Television. Yeah, I don’t get it either. I don’t even really like real people in life. Why would I want to watch them on TV, instead of actors who have the eating disorders and multiple cosmetic surgeries necessary to create truly compelling viewing?
– Earth Day. How do I manage to not notice it every year until it’s too late? I’d like to plant a tree or something, but my yard is made of concrete.
– The Lady who Controls the Music at my Gym. Why does she like that Jennifer Lopez CD so much? And if I were to grab it from the stereo system, smash it over her head, and stomp the pieces into J.Dust, would there be repercussions?
