Friday, May 28, 2004
Summer Lovin’
Okay, so crazy calendar lovers will certainly try to tell you otherwise, but Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer, otherwise known as the only season that is actually livable in Chicago. Since I’m an intensely civic-minded individual, I’ve come up with some tips to help everyone make the most of the next few months:
– It is impolite to comment on the odor emanating from your cab driver. Instead, try giving him a light sponge bath when he turns to adjust the rear view mirror.
– Remember, leaving work early to enjoy the nice weather is just like stealing from your employer. So you might as well grab a stapler or two on your way out.
– Large animals may become uncomfortable and irritated during the hot summer months. So whatever you do, do not taunt Oprah.
– Three words to spice up your summer barbeque: spam ka bobs.
– Don’t forget to water your plants regularly to beat the heat, or you will kill the only friends you have.
– Summer romances can be a lot of fun, but remember that both parties should generally be aware that they are going on.
– Make sure to hire only illegal immigrants to staff your yacht. They are easier to “get rid of” if they become insolent.
– Everyone at the beach really does want to see you in that Speedo; they just have a really funny way of showing it.
The blog will be memorializing on Monday; Tuesday has been docketed for the triumphant return.
Okay, so crazy calendar lovers will certainly try to tell you otherwise, but Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer, otherwise known as the only season that is actually livable in Chicago. Since I’m an intensely civic-minded individual, I’ve come up with some tips to help everyone make the most of the next few months:
– It is impolite to comment on the odor emanating from your cab driver. Instead, try giving him a light sponge bath when he turns to adjust the rear view mirror.
– Remember, leaving work early to enjoy the nice weather is just like stealing from your employer. So you might as well grab a stapler or two on your way out.
– Large animals may become uncomfortable and irritated during the hot summer months. So whatever you do, do not taunt Oprah.
– Three words to spice up your summer barbeque: spam ka bobs.
– Don’t forget to water your plants regularly to beat the heat, or you will kill the only friends you have.
– Summer romances can be a lot of fun, but remember that both parties should generally be aware that they are going on.
– Make sure to hire only illegal immigrants to staff your yacht. They are easier to “get rid of” if they become insolent.
– Everyone at the beach really does want to see you in that Speedo; they just have a really funny way of showing it.
The blog will be memorializing on Monday; Tuesday has been docketed for the triumphant return.
