Friday, October 01, 2004
Aphorisms for the New Millenium
(with apologies to Ben Franklin)
– Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead; this is especially useful if your secret is that you killed those other two people.
– A penny saved is a penny those worthless grandkids of yours just can’t wait to get their hands on when you die.
– A stitch in time saves one of Nike’s 9-year-old Malaysian employees from being chained to her sewing machine.
– A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar; a gallon of honey will catch Star Jones.
– A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but if you’re really worried about how many birds you have your priorities in life are seriously out of whack.
– Fish and visitors smell in three days, although your grandma Ethel pretty much smells right from the start. It’s the Ben-Gay.
– Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Seriously, it’s time to stop talking about banging Jessica Simpson and start doing something about it!
– Early to bed and early to rise makes for really boring reality television.
– Little strokes, fell great oaks. Bigger strokes, fell New Jersey Governor James McGreevey.
(with apologies to Ben Franklin)
– Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead; this is especially useful if your secret is that you killed those other two people.
– A penny saved is a penny those worthless grandkids of yours just can’t wait to get their hands on when you die.
– A stitch in time saves one of Nike’s 9-year-old Malaysian employees from being chained to her sewing machine.
– A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar; a gallon of honey will catch Star Jones.
– A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but if you’re really worried about how many birds you have your priorities in life are seriously out of whack.
– Fish and visitors smell in three days, although your grandma Ethel pretty much smells right from the start. It’s the Ben-Gay.
– Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Seriously, it’s time to stop talking about banging Jessica Simpson and start doing something about it!
– Early to bed and early to rise makes for really boring reality television.
– Little strokes, fell great oaks. Bigger strokes, fell New Jersey Governor James McGreevey.
