Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Many are Called, Few are Chosen
Last night I was fortunate enough to be selected to participate in a telephone survey! It’s a lucky thing I was home when they called; that’s probably why those savvy marketers chose dinnertime to call. But I had a lovely conversation with someone named Tiffani (okay, so I’m guessing on the whole "with an ‘I’" thing), who despite all appearances to the contrary, was not a recent convert to the English language.
Tiffani: Good evening, this is Tiffani with [marketing firm name utterly indistinguishable from every other marketing firm name], may I speak to Mr. [unintelligible rambling constituting an attempt to pronounce my last name in contravention of all principles of phonics and good sense]
Jay: Yeah, uh, he’s not here right now.
Tiffani: Are you the head of this household?
Jay: (laughing) What is this, the fifties?
Tiffani: (confused silence)
Jay: Um, no.
Tiffani: Well, would you mind if I asked you a few questions about your use of household cleaning supplies?
Jay: What about our history together would ever make you think I would do this?
Tiffani: (long pause) Um, I have a boyfriend.
Jay: (matching pause) Good for you?
Tiffani: Okay, so when was the last time you purchased a glass and surface cleaner?
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: Within the last week, within the last month, within the last six months...
Jay: We’re not actually going to do this, okay?
Tiffani: ...or more than six months ago?
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: (confused silence)
Jay: I downed a bottle of the lemon fresh on my way to work this morning.
Tiffani: So within the last week?
Jay: I don’t know, I’m not much of a math person.
Tiffani: I’ll just put "not applicable."
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: How would you describe your level of satisfaction with your current glass and surface cleaner?
Jay: I’m not going to...
Tiffani: Very satisfied, satisfied...
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: ... somewhat satisfied...
Jay: I think I love you.
And that was the end of that. She’s definitely going to call back, though, right? I feel like we really connected.
Last night I was fortunate enough to be selected to participate in a telephone survey! It’s a lucky thing I was home when they called; that’s probably why those savvy marketers chose dinnertime to call. But I had a lovely conversation with someone named Tiffani (okay, so I’m guessing on the whole "with an ‘I’" thing), who despite all appearances to the contrary, was not a recent convert to the English language.
Tiffani: Good evening, this is Tiffani with [marketing firm name utterly indistinguishable from every other marketing firm name], may I speak to Mr. [unintelligible rambling constituting an attempt to pronounce my last name in contravention of all principles of phonics and good sense]
Jay: Yeah, uh, he’s not here right now.
Tiffani: Are you the head of this household?
Jay: (laughing) What is this, the fifties?
Tiffani: (confused silence)
Jay: Um, no.
Tiffani: Well, would you mind if I asked you a few questions about your use of household cleaning supplies?
Jay: What about our history together would ever make you think I would do this?
Tiffani: (long pause) Um, I have a boyfriend.
Jay: (matching pause) Good for you?
Tiffani: Okay, so when was the last time you purchased a glass and surface cleaner?
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: Within the last week, within the last month, within the last six months...
Jay: We’re not actually going to do this, okay?
Tiffani: ...or more than six months ago?
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: (confused silence)
Jay: I downed a bottle of the lemon fresh on my way to work this morning.
Tiffani: So within the last week?
Jay: I don’t know, I’m not much of a math person.
Tiffani: I’ll just put "not applicable."
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: How would you describe your level of satisfaction with your current glass and surface cleaner?
Jay: I’m not going to...
Tiffani: Very satisfied, satisfied...
Jay: Tiffani?
Tiffani: ... somewhat satisfied...
Jay: I think I love you.
And that was the end of that. She’s definitely going to call back, though, right? I feel like we really connected.
