Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Comings & Goings
Always a great exponent of dietary irony, I just followed up my carefully-portioned, nutrient-rich salad with an enormous chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich. I’m certainly not one for overstatement, but I would have to say it was better than any single experience anyone has ever had or can even imagine. I do have to apologize, however, to anyone who happened to be along LaSalle street between Madison and Adams this afternoon to witness me devouring this confection like a bulemic vulture on the corpse of Star Jones. Believe me, it was worth it.
Is everyone as excited about the new Pope as I am? I guess picking a former Hitler Youth is kind of a fresh direction for the office. And it’s good to see he isn’t afraid to get right out there and label things and people evil. I only worry that he may be too young! There are a lot of eightysomethings out there who are pretty disappointed right now.
In other news, I’m going to prison tomorrow! No, it’s not because of that brutal double murder I committed; I pinned that on O.J.! I’m going on a tour of the prison for work, I guess so we can see that our tiny offices are still slightly less dank and depressing than actual jail cells. I’ve only seen Oz a few times, but I’m pretty sure this is going to be an awesome trip. I told all my female coworkers to wear crop tops and thongs so maybe I can set them up with a nice skinhead. I mean, everybody loves getting letters, right? And the occasional conjugal visit?
I think I need a nap. Or at the very least some more ice cream.
Always a great exponent of dietary irony, I just followed up my carefully-portioned, nutrient-rich salad with an enormous chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich. I’m certainly not one for overstatement, but I would have to say it was better than any single experience anyone has ever had or can even imagine. I do have to apologize, however, to anyone who happened to be along LaSalle street between Madison and Adams this afternoon to witness me devouring this confection like a bulemic vulture on the corpse of Star Jones. Believe me, it was worth it.
Is everyone as excited about the new Pope as I am? I guess picking a former Hitler Youth is kind of a fresh direction for the office. And it’s good to see he isn’t afraid to get right out there and label things and people evil. I only worry that he may be too young! There are a lot of eightysomethings out there who are pretty disappointed right now.
In other news, I’m going to prison tomorrow! No, it’s not because of that brutal double murder I committed; I pinned that on O.J.! I’m going on a tour of the prison for work, I guess so we can see that our tiny offices are still slightly less dank and depressing than actual jail cells. I’ve only seen Oz a few times, but I’m pretty sure this is going to be an awesome trip. I told all my female coworkers to wear crop tops and thongs so maybe I can set them up with a nice skinhead. I mean, everybody loves getting letters, right? And the occasional conjugal visit?
I think I need a nap. Or at the very least some more ice cream.
