Thursday, June 23, 2005
Coming Soon to a Theater Near You
If you’re like me, and there’s no way you possibly could be, you’re probably feeling really overwhelmed right now by the neverending supply of high-quality summer movies out there for your delight and amazement. I mean, the afterglow from the good doctor Hitch hadn’t even begun to wear off when along came instant classics like Kingdom of Heaven and that one where Russell Crowe hit the guy with the phone. To make things easier, I’ve created a little guide to the can’t miss movies still to come this summer!
Herbie: Fully Loaded. Potentially our last cinematic record of the pre-Skeletor Lindsay Lohan, marred only by shocking allegations that Disney had her "talents" digitally reduced so as to avoid frightening small children. Also notable for the increasingly ironic title.
Bewitched. Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell both go slumming! Plus, they use that awesome Police song in the commercials.
War of the Worlds. The chronicle of a celebrity’s fascinating descent into madness. Also, things blow up. And there are aliens and things (and no, I don’t mean Tim Robbins).
Happy Endings. Just because the title sounds dirty.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. What more do you need besides the promise of oompah-loompahs? Okay, fine, Johnny Depp dresses like an Olsen twin.
The Fantastic Four. Jessica Alba’s in it, which means there’s a pretty good chance of T&A.
Bad News Bears. Nothing like an unnecessary remake to liven up your summer! Or several! Plus, this one has Billy Bob Thornton! Who doesn’t love him, besides everyone?
The Dukes of Hazzard. Sure to put to rest all doubts about the extent of Jessica Simpson’s acting range, this hard-hitting drama chronicles the story of a close-knit family fighting against political corruption in the deep South. Plus, short shorts!
If you’re like me, and there’s no way you possibly could be, you’re probably feeling really overwhelmed right now by the neverending supply of high-quality summer movies out there for your delight and amazement. I mean, the afterglow from the good doctor Hitch hadn’t even begun to wear off when along came instant classics like Kingdom of Heaven and that one where Russell Crowe hit the guy with the phone. To make things easier, I’ve created a little guide to the can’t miss movies still to come this summer!
Herbie: Fully Loaded. Potentially our last cinematic record of the pre-Skeletor Lindsay Lohan, marred only by shocking allegations that Disney had her "talents" digitally reduced so as to avoid frightening small children. Also notable for the increasingly ironic title.
Bewitched. Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell both go slumming! Plus, they use that awesome Police song in the commercials.
War of the Worlds. The chronicle of a celebrity’s fascinating descent into madness. Also, things blow up. And there are aliens and things (and no, I don’t mean Tim Robbins).
Happy Endings. Just because the title sounds dirty.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. What more do you need besides the promise of oompah-loompahs? Okay, fine, Johnny Depp dresses like an Olsen twin.
The Fantastic Four. Jessica Alba’s in it, which means there’s a pretty good chance of T&A.
Bad News Bears. Nothing like an unnecessary remake to liven up your summer! Or several! Plus, this one has Billy Bob Thornton! Who doesn’t love him, besides everyone?
The Dukes of Hazzard. Sure to put to rest all doubts about the extent of Jessica Simpson’s acting range, this hard-hitting drama chronicles the story of a close-knit family fighting against political corruption in the deep South. Plus, short shorts!
