Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Sweeps Watch
As ridiculous-stunt-laden periods of television go, this May has so far been a little bit of a disappointment. Sure, turning The OC into the Mischa Barton snuff film America's been dreaming of was a stroke of genius, and Teri Hatcher's horribly permed flashback on Desperate Housewives has to be worth something, but there have been no real cliffhangers on a Who Shot JFK? level. So here are my suggestions for big finales for some of TV's hottest shows:
The Ghost Whisperer -- Jennifer Love Hewitt takes a very long shower.
CSI -- The mysteries of Marg Helgenberger's craggy face revealed!
According to Jim -- Someone at ABC realizes this show is still on and issues an apology.
Law & Order -- After years of continually having things ripped from them, the headlines strike back.
My Super Sweet Sixteen -- We suddenly understand why school shootings happen.
ER -- Heather Locklear checks into the hospital, with predictably sexy results.
Two and a Half Men -- Charlie Sheen remains inexplicably employed.
LOST -- The writers admit they're just making it all up as they go along.
American Idol -- This year, they just decide to call it a tie.
Why, leaving the house may never be necessary again!
As ridiculous-stunt-laden periods of television go, this May has so far been a little bit of a disappointment. Sure, turning The OC into the Mischa Barton snuff film America's been dreaming of was a stroke of genius, and Teri Hatcher's horribly permed flashback on Desperate Housewives has to be worth something, but there have been no real cliffhangers on a Who Shot JFK? level. So here are my suggestions for big finales for some of TV's hottest shows:
The Ghost Whisperer -- Jennifer Love Hewitt takes a very long shower.
CSI -- The mysteries of Marg Helgenberger's craggy face revealed!
According to Jim -- Someone at ABC realizes this show is still on and issues an apology.
Law & Order -- After years of continually having things ripped from them, the headlines strike back.
My Super Sweet Sixteen -- We suddenly understand why school shootings happen.
ER -- Heather Locklear checks into the hospital, with predictably sexy results.
Two and a Half Men -- Charlie Sheen remains inexplicably employed.
LOST -- The writers admit they're just making it all up as they go along.
American Idol -- This year, they just decide to call it a tie.
Why, leaving the house may never be necessary again!
