Friday, September 28, 2007
Physical Education
I just joined a new gym, and as a result was subjected to a consultation with an impossibly tiny, unbelievably perky personal trained named Kelly. Apparently, physical fitness is now best obtained by being bombarded with questions about everything that you believe is wrong with you. My initial interview with Kelly therefore proceeded thusly:
Kelly: So let's talk about your fitness goals.
Jay: Okay. Well, I'm pretty comfortable with my size right now, so I really just want to maintain it, maybe get a little bit more definition.
Kelly: Uh huh. So there's nothing you hate about your body?
Jay: Not really, no.
Kelly: No problem areas, for instance your rear or your midsection?
Jay: Uh, well, I suppose I'd like to have more defined abs.
Kelly: Got a little bit of a tummy, do you?
Jay: Do I? I don't really think so.
Kelly: Well, that's something we can work on. So do you have any big events coming up that you want to get in shape for, like a vacation or a wedding or something?
Jay: No. I can't think of any. I mean, I'm almost thirty, so it's not like I'm really heading to prom.
Kelly: Oh, okay, gosh. Thirty. You know, what a lot of people like to do is pick out a celebrity whose body they would want to have. So who is your celebrity?
Jay: Yeah, um, I don't know. Honestly, any celebrity would probably be fine, so long as it's not like Danny DeVito. Most celebrities have pretty good bodies.
Kelly: Haven't you seen any movies or TV shows lately where someone had a body you want to have?
Jay: Not really.
Kelly: What about like Chris Evans from the Fantastic Four? He's got a good body.
Jay: Okay, fine. Whatever.
Kelly: All right! We will have you looking like Chris Evans in no time!
The motivation is almost too intense to bear, isn't it?
I just joined a new gym, and as a result was subjected to a consultation with an impossibly tiny, unbelievably perky personal trained named Kelly. Apparently, physical fitness is now best obtained by being bombarded with questions about everything that you believe is wrong with you. My initial interview with Kelly therefore proceeded thusly:
Kelly: So let's talk about your fitness goals.
Jay: Okay. Well, I'm pretty comfortable with my size right now, so I really just want to maintain it, maybe get a little bit more definition.
Kelly: Uh huh. So there's nothing you hate about your body?
Jay: Not really, no.
Kelly: No problem areas, for instance your rear or your midsection?
Jay: Uh, well, I suppose I'd like to have more defined abs.
Kelly: Got a little bit of a tummy, do you?
Jay: Do I? I don't really think so.
Kelly: Well, that's something we can work on. So do you have any big events coming up that you want to get in shape for, like a vacation or a wedding or something?
Jay: No. I can't think of any. I mean, I'm almost thirty, so it's not like I'm really heading to prom.
Kelly: Oh, okay, gosh. Thirty. You know, what a lot of people like to do is pick out a celebrity whose body they would want to have. So who is your celebrity?
Jay: Yeah, um, I don't know. Honestly, any celebrity would probably be fine, so long as it's not like Danny DeVito. Most celebrities have pretty good bodies.
Kelly: Haven't you seen any movies or TV shows lately where someone had a body you want to have?
Jay: Not really.
Kelly: What about like Chris Evans from the Fantastic Four? He's got a good body.
Jay: Okay, fine. Whatever.
Kelly: All right! We will have you looking like Chris Evans in no time!
The motivation is almost too intense to bear, isn't it?
