Friday, June 12, 2009
Helpful Suggestions for My Personal Trainer
As I think I've mentioned here before, about a year and a half ago I succumbed to the (professional) advances of a personal trainer. I had just joined a new gym and was unable to resist the high pressure sales tactics that of course followed the "free" introductory session. A tiny future pageant contestant was looking at me with imploring eyes and telling me all my fitness goals were so incredibly reachable. I just couldn't bear to break her heart, even if she did insist ridiculously that she was going to make me look like one of the guys from 300.
She left the gym, of course, and since I was under contract I ended up with my current trainer, who is very nice but possibly the worst small talker in the whole world. He needs to understand that just asking a person questions is not small talk, it is an interview. And he is no Morley Safer. Someone needs to tell him that when a person says "they're not really sure" what they're doing on the weekend, that means they don't really want to apprise you of all of their whereabouts for the next 48 hours, and that no amount of cross examination will elicit answers. He needs to hear that politics and personal training should never mix, and that it is very unlikely that I will be able to explain the subprime crisis to him while doing squat thrusts.
And yet I will never be able to say any of this to his face. So instead I just answer him as passive aggressively as humanly possible. At least my gag reflex is getting a good workout.
As I think I've mentioned here before, about a year and a half ago I succumbed to the (professional) advances of a personal trainer. I had just joined a new gym and was unable to resist the high pressure sales tactics that of course followed the "free" introductory session. A tiny future pageant contestant was looking at me with imploring eyes and telling me all my fitness goals were so incredibly reachable. I just couldn't bear to break her heart, even if she did insist ridiculously that she was going to make me look like one of the guys from 300.
She left the gym, of course, and since I was under contract I ended up with my current trainer, who is very nice but possibly the worst small talker in the whole world. He needs to understand that just asking a person questions is not small talk, it is an interview. And he is no Morley Safer. Someone needs to tell him that when a person says "they're not really sure" what they're doing on the weekend, that means they don't really want to apprise you of all of their whereabouts for the next 48 hours, and that no amount of cross examination will elicit answers. He needs to hear that politics and personal training should never mix, and that it is very unlikely that I will be able to explain the subprime crisis to him while doing squat thrusts.
And yet I will never be able to say any of this to his face. So instead I just answer him as passive aggressively as humanly possible. At least my gag reflex is getting a good workout.
