Saturday, November 19, 2011
Victory Shall Be Mine
I've undertaken a new initiative that seems bound to completely transform my life for the better and I am very excited about it. It's called the Jewel-Osco Wish Big Win Big Holiday Giveaway, and it involves more than $30 million in prizes and money saving offers, all $30 million of which I'm pretty certain I'm 100% likely to win. The way it works is that you get a game board and, by shopping at Jewel-Osco, collect various food-themed markers to adhere to it with your own saliva. (It's very much like the McDonald's Monopoly promotion, but without the benefit of having licensed the Monopoly name. Or the benefit of french fries dipped in beef fat, for that matter.) If you collect five or six markers in a certain category, you win that prize. And what prizes they are! I'm just one Diamond Nut Toppings marker away from winning a $2 cash prize, and two pepperoni-themed markers away from a $100 digital camera. (The one on the game board is red, but I'm hoping I can get it in another color. Or maybe trade it for something I don't already own.) Where it really gets exciting though is when you get to the vehicles of your dreams, so long as you do not dream of a vehicle that is worth more than $25,000. (Or $50,000, but I'm still four Chex-related markers short on that category.) There's also a $10,000 vacation to an unspecified but vaguely tropical-looking location, which I can only assume is not a leper colony. But anyway, the point is that I'm clearly going to win this competition, because I can buy groceries and lick stamps with the best of them. I don't remember college very well, but I'm pretty sure that was my major.
I've undertaken a new initiative that seems bound to completely transform my life for the better and I am very excited about it. It's called the Jewel-Osco Wish Big Win Big Holiday Giveaway, and it involves more than $30 million in prizes and money saving offers, all $30 million of which I'm pretty certain I'm 100% likely to win. The way it works is that you get a game board and, by shopping at Jewel-Osco, collect various food-themed markers to adhere to it with your own saliva. (It's very much like the McDonald's Monopoly promotion, but without the benefit of having licensed the Monopoly name. Or the benefit of french fries dipped in beef fat, for that matter.) If you collect five or six markers in a certain category, you win that prize. And what prizes they are! I'm just one Diamond Nut Toppings marker away from winning a $2 cash prize, and two pepperoni-themed markers away from a $100 digital camera. (The one on the game board is red, but I'm hoping I can get it in another color. Or maybe trade it for something I don't already own.) Where it really gets exciting though is when you get to the vehicles of your dreams, so long as you do not dream of a vehicle that is worth more than $25,000. (Or $50,000, but I'm still four Chex-related markers short on that category.) There's also a $10,000 vacation to an unspecified but vaguely tropical-looking location, which I can only assume is not a leper colony. But anyway, the point is that I'm clearly going to win this competition, because I can buy groceries and lick stamps with the best of them. I don't remember college very well, but I'm pretty sure that was my major.
