Sunday, January 13, 2013
Golden Globes Predictions 2013
Yes, that's right, it's the night where NBC tells us that Anything Can Happen, although It Never Really Seems To. Here are my predictions for the evening:
-- The Red Carpet Will Be Boring. Nothing like spending hours looking at dresses and listening to Giuliana Rancic pretending to have seen Amour and The Master. This will be where I stick my face in the platter of potato croquettes we're making for the occasion.
-- The Opening Monologue Will Be Too Long. This is an easy one. Even if Jesus was hosting, his monologue would still be too long. Not to mention kind of preachy. Although if he would turn some water into wine, all would probably be forgiven.
-- Daniel Day Lewis Will Win Best Actor, Drama. His performance combined all of the things that awards shows love: lots of makeup, a weird voice, and dying. (Spoiler alert! Lincoln is dead!)
-- Jessica Chastain Will Win Best Actress, Drama. For reasons that I cannot fathom, she is suddenly a thing, and in a big way. She's like the Gretchen Mol that actually happened.
-- Jennifer Lawrence Will Win Best Actress, Musical or Comedy. Because she is amazing. I've loved her ever since I saw her skin a squirrel. (In Winter's Bone, not in real life. It would be weird if she did it, like, over lunch at the Ivy.)
-- Anne Hathaway Will Win Best Supporting Actress. The Golden Globes love musicals and celebrities. And all of her humblebrag over the past few months probably plays much better to those for whom English is not a first language.
-- I Will Change The Channel During the Honorary Awards. I. Just. Can't.
-- Miss Golden Globes' Career Will Not Pan Out As She Had Hoped. I'm looking at you, Rumer Willis.
Yes, that's right, it's the night where NBC tells us that Anything Can Happen, although It Never Really Seems To. Here are my predictions for the evening:
-- The Red Carpet Will Be Boring. Nothing like spending hours looking at dresses and listening to Giuliana Rancic pretending to have seen Amour and The Master. This will be where I stick my face in the platter of potato croquettes we're making for the occasion.
-- The Opening Monologue Will Be Too Long. This is an easy one. Even if Jesus was hosting, his monologue would still be too long. Not to mention kind of preachy. Although if he would turn some water into wine, all would probably be forgiven.
-- Daniel Day Lewis Will Win Best Actor, Drama. His performance combined all of the things that awards shows love: lots of makeup, a weird voice, and dying. (Spoiler alert! Lincoln is dead!)
-- Jessica Chastain Will Win Best Actress, Drama. For reasons that I cannot fathom, she is suddenly a thing, and in a big way. She's like the Gretchen Mol that actually happened.
-- Jennifer Lawrence Will Win Best Actress, Musical or Comedy. Because she is amazing. I've loved her ever since I saw her skin a squirrel. (In Winter's Bone, not in real life. It would be weird if she did it, like, over lunch at the Ivy.)
-- Anne Hathaway Will Win Best Supporting Actress. The Golden Globes love musicals and celebrities. And all of her humblebrag over the past few months probably plays much better to those for whom English is not a first language.
-- I Will Change The Channel During the Honorary Awards. I. Just. Can't.
-- Miss Golden Globes' Career Will Not Pan Out As She Had Hoped. I'm looking at you, Rumer Willis.
