Monday, June 29, 2015
Keeping it Classy
My neighborhood is the best. There are constantly drunken Cubs fans puking or passing out on my lawn (well, the six-foot strip of wood chips between the sidewalk and the road we call a lawn) and every year there's a bar crawl where stabbings are par for the course. I once saw a girl getting fingerbanged by not one by two dudes in a port a potty. Another time I saw a dude getting blown on the hood of what I assume must have been a Camaro. Also, there's never any parking. And did I mention all of the sports bars?
But the classiest touch has to be the fact that lately people have taken to just randomly leaving rat poison all over the place. I mean, I get it, nobody wants rats. But maybe we also don't want to kill our pets? And of course Aubrey snaps that shit up like its a flat screen TV at Wal-Mart on black Friday. Fortunately I have become quite adept at unlocking beagle jaws over the years.
Also she tried to eat a dead fish that had washed up on the dog beach the other day. Some days I just feel like a Disney princess come to life.
