Saturday, September 09, 2017
Privacy Please
I generally think of myself as a pretty friendly person. I smile at babies and dogs I see on the street, and try to keep bitchface to a minimum, even when random strangers stop me on the corner for directions to Navy Pier. (Two blocks straight ahead, then step directly in front of a passing truck.) My only enemies are Maureen Dowd and that guy from the Sprint commercials. I even make small talk with my secretary when she barges into my office unannounced to stare at some minor weather phenomenon. See? Nice.
But I do sometimes find my neighbors trying my patience. They were literally ringing the doorbell five minutes after I stopped at the house after the closing, when we hadn't even moved in yet. And they seem to monitor our behavior, making comments like "I haven't seen Ian taking the dog out as much lately" and "don't worry about changing in front of the windows, it doesn't bother us at all." Plus, they are in everybody's business -- I just passed them giving the mail carrier the third degree about her life. I mean, I'm all for being pleasant, but I don't need a close personal relationship with the person who drops of fifteen pounds of Restoration Hardware catalogs I don't want, ok? Is that so wrong?
It probably is. I need to try harder. But for now, I'm just going to eat some crackers and watch some Naked Gun movies on cable. Why did OJ ever give up on that acting career?
I generally think of myself as a pretty friendly person. I smile at babies and dogs I see on the street, and try to keep bitchface to a minimum, even when random strangers stop me on the corner for directions to Navy Pier. (Two blocks straight ahead, then step directly in front of a passing truck.) My only enemies are Maureen Dowd and that guy from the Sprint commercials. I even make small talk with my secretary when she barges into my office unannounced to stare at some minor weather phenomenon. See? Nice.
But I do sometimes find my neighbors trying my patience. They were literally ringing the doorbell five minutes after I stopped at the house after the closing, when we hadn't even moved in yet. And they seem to monitor our behavior, making comments like "I haven't seen Ian taking the dog out as much lately" and "don't worry about changing in front of the windows, it doesn't bother us at all." Plus, they are in everybody's business -- I just passed them giving the mail carrier the third degree about her life. I mean, I'm all for being pleasant, but I don't need a close personal relationship with the person who drops of fifteen pounds of Restoration Hardware catalogs I don't want, ok? Is that so wrong?
It probably is. I need to try harder. But for now, I'm just going to eat some crackers and watch some Naked Gun movies on cable. Why did OJ ever give up on that acting career?
