Saturday, November 30, 2019
Turkey Time
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. I've always been kind of a fan of Thanksgiving because I enjoy gluttony and lying about who we are, but that enjoyment has only increased since I started practicing law, since Thanksgiving tends to be one of the few days I can rely on having some time off. (Christmas is too religious and the Fourth of July is often too midweek.) Also, now my mom comes to us, so I don't have to drive nine hours to Quincy and back, which is always a plus. So I tend to get a little bit of actual rest, even if it doesn't stop people I barely know from continually telling me "you look tired." A magical thing to hear, and a great source of revenue for eye cream manufacturers.
Anyway, Thanksgiving these days tends to center very much on my niece and nephew, who do not disappoint. Jack loudly announced to everyone present that "Maggie has boogers," which Maggie rebutted by eating several dishes of ice cream with her bare hands. Jack went to see his first movie, The Irishman (or maybe it was Frozen II, who can say?), while Maggie stayed with me and Ian and generally adopted the demeanor of an IRA hostage. Both children took turns becoming irrationally angry in a fashion generally reserved for those who hold high office these days, alternating with bouts of extreme joy, which were generally Raven Symone induced. We have much to be thankful for indeed.
Sunday, November 17, 2019
14 Again
So at 41 years old, I have decided to indulge in a little bit of adult orthodontia. It's kind of weird. It takes me back to when I had braces in junior high and went to have women who smelled like a Bath & Body Works exploded twist wires in my mouth about once a month. The key difference is that, this time, my mother is not bribing me with the promise of a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. Also, it's not actual braces, but just aligners. However, I have to say, they're not as fun and sexy as the commercials seem to suggest. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything but water when I have them in, and they are pretty hard to take out. In fact, the first day, I couldn't get the lower one out at all and ended up calling my orthodontist's office in a panic, as though they could somehow get it out over the phone. They could not, but eventually I did remove it with the help of a hooklike contraption provided by the manufacturers, which primarily seemed designed to gouge the heck out of my gums. It was a bloody scene, my friends. But my teeth do seem to be getting straighter already, and I'm losing weight from not being able to snack. And they also gave me a cleansing foam that is allegedly also tooth whitening. I'm going to be the coolest kid in AP Bio, let me tell you.
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Rome in Pictures
Whether you want to see them or not. I seldom know what to post about, so I'm going to milk this trip for all it's worth.
St. Peter's at the Vatican. Some random guy outside who was trying to sell us a group tour (ugh) claimed the line took an hour and a half to get in. He was lying, obviously. In front of God.
Here's the view from up on top of St. Peter's. I don't often climb domes, but when I do, I make sure to take pictures. Also, I sweat a lot.
These cherubs inside St. Peter's are, like, bigger than me. Of course, they're also trapped in marble forever, so I guess I kind of win that one in the end.
Some of the ruins from the Roman Forum. Seems like they could have been more careful with their forum.
People were continually walking into my photos throughout the trip, but here I got a whole family. That's got to be worth extra points.
Here's Ian in Pompeii! It's kind of a fixer upper.
A fun fresco from Pompeii. Clearly, naked dude has no game.
Whether you want to see them or not. I seldom know what to post about, so I'm going to milk this trip for all it's worth.
St. Peter's at the Vatican. Some random guy outside who was trying to sell us a group tour (ugh) claimed the line took an hour and a half to get in. He was lying, obviously. In front of God.
Here's the view from up on top of St. Peter's. I don't often climb domes, but when I do, I make sure to take pictures. Also, I sweat a lot.
These cherubs inside St. Peter's are, like, bigger than me. Of course, they're also trapped in marble forever, so I guess I kind of win that one in the end.
Some of the ruins from the Roman Forum. Seems like they could have been more careful with their forum.
People were continually walking into my photos throughout the trip, but here I got a whole family. That's got to be worth extra points.
Here's Ian in Pompeii! It's kind of a fixer upper.
A fun fresco from Pompeii. Clearly, naked dude has no game.
Sunday, November 03, 2019
Rome, If You Want To
Some more tidbits from our trip:
-- We definitely got scammed at the airport, even though my inner 60 Minutes codger was watching out like a hawk. This guy asked if we needed a ride and when I said no assured us he worked for the airport. Then he grabbed our bags and ushered us to a car like forty miles from the terminal. Then he drove us to our hotel and charged us 140 euros (trip back was 50, with tip). Added bonus? The roads near our hotel were closed for a race, so we had to walk the final two blocks or so with our luggage. But at least we were not robbed and murdered, as was entirely possible.
-- I ate pasta nearly every day while I was there. But because we also walked like 12 miles a day, I actually lost weight on the trip. I should write a self help book.
-- We climbed the dome of St. Peter's (with stairs, not like a grappling hook or anything), which gave Ian a panic attack. The hallways get super narrow, and also curved. And there's like a million people climbing at the same time, so there's definitely a sense you could be crushed at any minute. For some, I think that's part of the attraction.
-- There was some sort of strike going on while we were there, which had the interesting effect of causing museums to randomly close for a couple of hours here and there. The Capitoline Museums actually closed while we were in them -- they were basically like "time's up, bitches, there's a strike."
-- Due to a defective weather forecast, we did not bring any shorts on our trip, and it ended up being in the 80s and sunny nearly every day. So we ended up buying shorts at some Italian discount store where you had to try things on in a corner behind a curtain. Eventually we convinced ourselves that we actually liked them, but of course we were living a lie.
-- We visited roughly a thousand churches while we were there. And they were all pretty stunning. This is an area where the U.S. lags behind much of the world, I'm afraid.
-- Naples was pretty filthy. But part of the strike was a trash strike, so I don't know if it's always like that or we were just lucky. The archeological museum was pretty sweet, though. Also the BK at the train station.
-- We toured some catacombs with a group that included a "bored" Dutch 12 year old. So we've got that going for us.
-- I fell down some steps in the rain and scraped and bruised myself fairly significantly. Apparently I have finally reached the age where I say things like "I'm lucky I didn't break anything." Fun, sexy times!
Some more tidbits from our trip:
-- We definitely got scammed at the airport, even though my inner 60 Minutes codger was watching out like a hawk. This guy asked if we needed a ride and when I said no assured us he worked for the airport. Then he grabbed our bags and ushered us to a car like forty miles from the terminal. Then he drove us to our hotel and charged us 140 euros (trip back was 50, with tip). Added bonus? The roads near our hotel were closed for a race, so we had to walk the final two blocks or so with our luggage. But at least we were not robbed and murdered, as was entirely possible.
-- I ate pasta nearly every day while I was there. But because we also walked like 12 miles a day, I actually lost weight on the trip. I should write a self help book.
-- We climbed the dome of St. Peter's (with stairs, not like a grappling hook or anything), which gave Ian a panic attack. The hallways get super narrow, and also curved. And there's like a million people climbing at the same time, so there's definitely a sense you could be crushed at any minute. For some, I think that's part of the attraction.
-- There was some sort of strike going on while we were there, which had the interesting effect of causing museums to randomly close for a couple of hours here and there. The Capitoline Museums actually closed while we were in them -- they were basically like "time's up, bitches, there's a strike."
-- Due to a defective weather forecast, we did not bring any shorts on our trip, and it ended up being in the 80s and sunny nearly every day. So we ended up buying shorts at some Italian discount store where you had to try things on in a corner behind a curtain. Eventually we convinced ourselves that we actually liked them, but of course we were living a lie.
-- We visited roughly a thousand churches while we were there. And they were all pretty stunning. This is an area where the U.S. lags behind much of the world, I'm afraid.
-- Naples was pretty filthy. But part of the strike was a trash strike, so I don't know if it's always like that or we were just lucky. The archeological museum was pretty sweet, though. Also the BK at the train station.
-- We toured some catacombs with a group that included a "bored" Dutch 12 year old. So we've got that going for us.
-- I fell down some steps in the rain and scraped and bruised myself fairly significantly. Apparently I have finally reached the age where I say things like "I'm lucky I didn't break anything." Fun, sexy times!
