Saturday, May 23, 2020
Running Out of Material
It is genuinely difficult to think of things to blog about while housebound. I'm afraid my trips to the grocery store every other week simply do not provide enough incident to make for thrilling narrative. Unless you find my struggle to find cheese cubes I like for snacking to be an epic saga. I've already written about my crafting, my television viewing, and the various odd jobs I've done around the house. I guess I could start detailing our various delivery orders, but I think you'd find it truly terrifying.
One big event this week that vastly improved my life was my triumphant repair of our Wii, I guess. With the help of my best friend the internet, I determined that we might just need a new AC adapter. Fourteen dollars of Amazon later, we were back in the MarioKart business. I have to say that clocking Baby Peach with a red shell every now and then really has brightened up the quarantine.
Also, there is work. I can't really talk about any of it, because it's all double super secret client stuff, but there is plenty of it and it does sort of give me purpose. If you count being super irritated because you have a conference call during the last fifteen minutes of the Vanderpump season finale as purpose. At this point, I'll take what I can get.
It is genuinely difficult to think of things to blog about while housebound. I'm afraid my trips to the grocery store every other week simply do not provide enough incident to make for thrilling narrative. Unless you find my struggle to find cheese cubes I like for snacking to be an epic saga. I've already written about my crafting, my television viewing, and the various odd jobs I've done around the house. I guess I could start detailing our various delivery orders, but I think you'd find it truly terrifying.
One big event this week that vastly improved my life was my triumphant repair of our Wii, I guess. With the help of my best friend the internet, I determined that we might just need a new AC adapter. Fourteen dollars of Amazon later, we were back in the MarioKart business. I have to say that clocking Baby Peach with a red shell every now and then really has brightened up the quarantine.
Also, there is work. I can't really talk about any of it, because it's all double super secret client stuff, but there is plenty of it and it does sort of give me purpose. If you count being super irritated because you have a conference call during the last fifteen minutes of the Vanderpump season finale as purpose. At this point, I'll take what I can get.
Sunday, May 10, 2020
Home Improvement
I, like many people, have determined that this period of quarantine will be when I finally reach my ideal weight, figure out the perfect hairstyle for my face shape, develop sick abs, perfect all of my interpersonal relationships, write the Great American Novel, lovingly handcraft a diorama of all 132 characters from Oliver Twist, organize all of my photos and memorabilia, get a handle on healthy eating, and persuade the greater internet community of the general correctness of all of my views in life. And, of course, get my house exactly the way I want it. Otherwise I would be bored.
So far, all of these ambitions have largely been advanced through online shopping at an alarming rate. It started with minor household needs I felt it would be reckless to leave the house to pursue, such as light bulbs and batteries. Soon after came the fitness phase, when I impulse bought a stationary bicycle and resistance bands (weights apparently being sold out until late 2022). Then there was crafting, as discussed in more detail earlier this week, which caused my Amazon profile to believe I'm an elderly lady. Next I decided to fix my record player and the Wii, in both cases by buying the wrong parts. And then with all of those new purchases, what choice did I have other than to invest in organizational items, like storage tubs and accordion files. It really has been a glittering whirl.
Anyway, if this virus ever does clear, which I genuinely believe it may never, I'll be ready for it, with gorgeously sculpted calves and scrupulously clean countertops. Of course, I may also be dead under a pile of my own Amazon packages, but that's a risk we all have to take sometimes.
I, like many people, have determined that this period of quarantine will be when I finally reach my ideal weight, figure out the perfect hairstyle for my face shape, develop sick abs, perfect all of my interpersonal relationships, write the Great American Novel, lovingly handcraft a diorama of all 132 characters from Oliver Twist, organize all of my photos and memorabilia, get a handle on healthy eating, and persuade the greater internet community of the general correctness of all of my views in life. And, of course, get my house exactly the way I want it. Otherwise I would be bored.
So far, all of these ambitions have largely been advanced through online shopping at an alarming rate. It started with minor household needs I felt it would be reckless to leave the house to pursue, such as light bulbs and batteries. Soon after came the fitness phase, when I impulse bought a stationary bicycle and resistance bands (weights apparently being sold out until late 2022). Then there was crafting, as discussed in more detail earlier this week, which caused my Amazon profile to believe I'm an elderly lady. Next I decided to fix my record player and the Wii, in both cases by buying the wrong parts. And then with all of those new purchases, what choice did I have other than to invest in organizational items, like storage tubs and accordion files. It really has been a glittering whirl.
Anyway, if this virus ever does clear, which I genuinely believe it may never, I'll be ready for it, with gorgeously sculpted calves and scrupulously clean countertops. Of course, I may also be dead under a pile of my own Amazon packages, but that's a risk we all have to take sometimes.
Monday, May 04, 2020
The Craft
One tragic side effect of the pandemic is that we aren't getting nearly enough puns on the titles of Neve Campbell movies. So I'm helping us all out with this hilariously-titled post about my quarantine craft projects.
To begin with, I've taken up mosaics. It's an amazing hobby if you enjoy firing random shards of broken glass across your living room. You also get to wear goggles so you don't accidentally blind yourself. My only regret is that we're not trying to make an insurance deductible, since Ian has repeatedly stepped on pieces of my creations that the vacuum somehow failed to pick up. Here's my current work in progress:
Oh no, sorry, that's a mosaic from ancient Pompeii. Easy mistake. My work is actually much better, though:
I still need to fill out the edges, obviously, but I'm sure I still have a little time before the galleries come calling.
I've also taken up weaving, which is not as far along, due to a tragic yarn mixup, in which Amazon sent me sparkle yarn I did not order that would only be suitable for knitting stripper thongs. Which I am considering. But I have half of a wall hanging completed, incorporating several different kinds of weaves that exist for some reason. And it's a great thing to do while re-watching old episodes of Parks & Recreation because you have run out of other ideas of things to watch. My life is very rich.
Anyway, hope that didn't make you all want to Scream.
One tragic side effect of the pandemic is that we aren't getting nearly enough puns on the titles of Neve Campbell movies. So I'm helping us all out with this hilariously-titled post about my quarantine craft projects.
To begin with, I've taken up mosaics. It's an amazing hobby if you enjoy firing random shards of broken glass across your living room. You also get to wear goggles so you don't accidentally blind yourself. My only regret is that we're not trying to make an insurance deductible, since Ian has repeatedly stepped on pieces of my creations that the vacuum somehow failed to pick up. Here's my current work in progress:
Oh no, sorry, that's a mosaic from ancient Pompeii. Easy mistake. My work is actually much better, though:
I still need to fill out the edges, obviously, but I'm sure I still have a little time before the galleries come calling.
I've also taken up weaving, which is not as far along, due to a tragic yarn mixup, in which Amazon sent me sparkle yarn I did not order that would only be suitable for knitting stripper thongs. Which I am considering. But I have half of a wall hanging completed, incorporating several different kinds of weaves that exist for some reason. And it's a great thing to do while re-watching old episodes of Parks & Recreation because you have run out of other ideas of things to watch. My life is very rich.
Anyway, hope that didn't make you all want to Scream.
